Lean In
Welcome to Day 2, week 2 of the theme of Self Loyalty. This week we are revisiting and digging deeper into some of the Self Loyalty topics we covered in Spiral 1. In week 1 day 3 of the Self Loyalty theme we talked about how being overly loyal to others is a sign that our anxiety is high and leads us to over-give.
I become hyper-focused on looking externally to see what needs to be done and how I can best do it, and most importantly, I tell myself I don't need anyone and CAN DO IT ALL.
One night my husband and I argued over family obligations, and nasty words were exchanged. Even though we had resolved the argument, I felt raw and exposed as I lay in bed later. My Monger was hammering me, “YOU ARE TOO SENSITIVE, good grief!”, and My BFF chimed in to protect me by attacking Doug, "Screw him. You need to protect yourself," I laid there for a few minutes hearing my Monger and BFF duke it out and then I heard my Biggest Fan quietly whisper, "It is ok to be raw and exposed, but it is not ok to shut out your husband. Lean-in." Without debating, I rolled over and hugged him, and my hand lingered on his chest and he grabbed it. I took a big exhale and felt us both relax. My Biggest Fan chimed in, "You two are a team, you are safe, and everything is ok. Lean-in, take a breath, feel the feelings, you are ok."
The challenge is leaning-in requires vulnerability. I have been trained my whole life not to be vulnerable, so it requires me to do the opposite of what is comfortable. It is best to lean-in to the 'safe people' in my life, those who know me and want the best for me and share the struggles and the joys. Yes,I even have to be reminded to lean-in to the joys in my life. Too often, I am so afraid that if I celebrate too much, the joy will vanish, or by celebrating, I am not modest enough, and I will suffer some consequence.
Lean-in means to linger and pause to accept help or support. Lean-in to the hugs my husband Doug gives me. Lean-in to the support of friends and family. Lean-in to my Biggest Fan and acknowledge the emotions, joy, sadness, and fear. Once I started paying attention to it, I realized that leaning-in is a helpful skill to practice.
Being the independent soul I am, I tend to pride myself on 'going it alone,' not needing anybody. But honestly, that is a lonely life; I need to lean-in, reach out, share my story, and ask for help.
Leaning-in is the opposite of running from. Duh, you might say, but as we have talked about, it's easy to run from our emotions the unhappy parts of our lives, our fears, our shame, etc. Leaning-in reminds me that when I can stop running and lean-in to my own experience, I will be able to move forward in a more authentic, less anxious way. Leaning-in is not an intuitive action (at least not for me). It is something I have to remind myself to do.
I think of walking down the street on a windy day; the easiest way to maneuver is to lean-into the wind. Walking straight backed, rigid and stoic will make it that much more challenging to walk. It gets even easier if you can link arms with someone as you walk through the wind. When we lean-in, we naturally relax, and we can shift and move as needed. The wind is still there, but rather than fighting against it, we are moving with it.
When I lean in to self loyalty I lean in to who I am, to the loved ones in my life and to the experiences I have on a day-to-day basis. When I lean in I get to experience all of this fully with more ease and less anxiety. Take this as a call to you to link arms with me the wind is still there but rather than fighting against it we are doing it together.
Remember, if you have ANY questions about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or head over to the website, sign in to the student portal and fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on your podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.