Worst Case Scenario
Welcome to day 4 of the second spiral of the theme of feelings. Clearly, the main idea of the theme of the feeling is that Acknowledging our Feelings is a key to quieting our anxiety, AND it is not our first response. This is why this work happens in spirals. As you peel away resistance to acknowledging your feelings, another one might show up. Today I am talking about what to do when you are overwhelmed by feelings.
I want to share an exercise I stole from the TV show This is Us called Worst Case Scenario.
Rather than facing our deepest fears, grief, or doubts, we often run from them. We try to put them in a box, bury them deep inside, and hustle away from them as fast as we can. Or we try to be positive and talk ourselves out of them. This exercise will help you face what you are most afraid of and deal with it.
The morning of Randall’s mom’s funeral Randall was writing the eulogy for his Mom and Beth approached him with a cup of coffee and said I want to place Worst Case Scenario with your Mom’s funeral. Randall started and shared how he thought he would be fine and nothing bad would happen. His wife Beth shared how she was worried he would be fine today but then in the next couple of weeks he would have another anxiety induced breakdown as he wouldn’t really express his emotions.
By playing the ‘game’ of worse case scenario Beth could express her fears and Randall could hear them in a different way.
I use this exercise when I can feel my anxiety is high. I notice I am over-functioning and running from task to task. My stomach is churning, but I am not hungry, and I just finished off a pint of ice cream. When my anxiety is this high, sometimes my resistance to practicing A.S.K. (Spell out) is high, so I need to find a different way to give myself loyalty. The Worst-Case Scenario game allows me to:
1. acknowledge my feelings
2. make sense of fuzziness in my brain
3. Allow me to see a bigger picture.
1. Find a safe place where you can take 20-30 minutes to be alone or with someone you trust.
I have done this exercise with my spouse (as Beth and Randall do). Or alone, in the shower, or journaling in my office. I have even practiced it walking the dog in the morning when there aren't many people around.
2. Say aloud or write down your 1-2 worst fears at this moment.
Let it rip…no realistic expectations here.
My Mom's dementia will progress, and she will live for many years as a shell of who she was. That will be so heartbreaking, and I am not prepared for it.
A couple of cautions:
Avoid the temptation to be positive or have gratitude. And if you heard those words and thought, of course, I won't do that, right? That won't happen.
But as you do the exercise, notice how hard it is NOT to be positive and have gratitude. Every time I practice this exercise, I have to fight my tendency to diminish my fears with positivity. When this happens, I remind myself I am a grateful person, but for the next few minutes, I am going to indulge my fears.
Avoid the temptation to list off 5-10 fears. Sometimes clients who practice this give a litany of worst-case scenarios like listing off their grocery list. Instead, pick 1-2 and get messy with it. Open the box you have buried deep inside of you and pull all of that stuff out. Immerse yourself in it. What it would look and feel like if the worst case happened.
3. Sit with those fears for a minute, feel them in your body, and then call in and name what you can do.
How would you handle it if those fears came true?
My Mom's dementia: I will lean on my friends and family for support. I will give myself kindness and support. I will research the best place for her, so I feel positive about her care—even if she isn't all there.
Spend some time walking through each scenario and making a rough plan for how you would handle it.
When we have High Functioning Anxiety, we run like hell away from our feelings and worst-case scenarios, so they are always under the surface. They never stay in the box as we want them to—they tend to bubble up and come out.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive but allowing yourself to face those worst fears will relax your need to push-push-push a bit and give your body some groundedness.
AND if you have ANY thoughts, questions or ah-ha’s about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or head over to the website, sign in to the student portal and fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on the Ask Nancy Jane podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.