The Mirror Exercise
Welcome to day 5 of the second spiral of the theme of feelings. Today I am excited to share one of my favorite exercises to help acknowledge my feelings.
But first, I want to talk quickly about two blocks people have at this point in building self-loyalty,
1. Because we have been talking a lot about feelings, childhood, patterns, and habits, it can stir stuff up. You might be noticing some grief, sadness, and anger. When I realized that it was all a lie–I wasn’t broken and even if I was hustling harderwon’t fix it. I felt a lot of anger and sadnes.
2. The need to do it right. The need to be perfect even when it comes to acknowledging our feelings. The only way to do it wrong is to talk yourself out of the feeling rather than acknowledging it.
In the spirit of these two blocks, I want to share the origin of one of my FAVORITE exercises to show why it is so powerful and important.
So pre-covid, I had an office where I met with my therapy clients. I had a love-hate relationship with this office, I loved the office because it was orange and bright and beautiful, and I had designed it to be super cozy and caring for my clients. And I hated the office space because the only other office space in my building was a collection agency and the people that worked there were loud.
I would be there for long hours on certain days of the week. I might have clients in the morning, then there would be an hour or a couple of hour break, and I'd have clients later. There was a lot of time by myself and a lot of Monger activity. “You SHOULD be doing more, working harder, basically doing anything except what I was doing”. I loved going there and hated going there all at the same time.
One day and I hadto go to the bathroom, the bathroom was downstairs in the back of the building, so I had to leave my cozy little space and walk through the hallway, potentially seeing people and making my way downstairs.
Now the other piece of this was that I had been diagnosed with arthritis a few months before, so walking down the stairs was challenging. My Monger would sneer “This is so embarrassing–you look like you are 80 maybe if you lost some weight this wouldn’t be a problem.”. It would be even more brutal if people were standing in the atrium. I dreaded going to the bathroom because of this huge potential shame spiral.
So that day, by the time I make it down the stairs and swing open the bathroom door, my anxiety is high. The bathroom was ALWAYS dirty, towels were overflowing from the so I spent as little time as possible there. So I rush into a stall, do my thing, and then make my way to the counter with a large mirror to wash my hands and head out. I look up into the mirror, and I always look in the mirror just to make sure everything's okay. That my hairs are all in place or that my make-up looks okay.
But that day, as I look in the mirror for my cursory check, I make eye contact with myself. I say silently, how are you doing? And of course, my first response is Joey from Friends, "how you doing." As I chuckle to myself, I keep holding my gaze. I put my hands over my heart and silently say to myself, "No, really sweet pea, How are YOU doing?! My whole body softens, my shoulders relax, my face softens, and my eyes fill with tears. I was seeing myself and accepting myself in a whole new way. I saw myself as a human being who was struggling with arthritis. A woman who is trying to get over her self-doubt instead of being the therapist who has it all together or the woman who is on top of it. At that moment, I wasn't wearing the mask of perfection. I was just seeing myself and reminding myself we will get through this. Ten seconds it took 10 seconds.
And that experience for me was better than any massage. Because when I'm doing a massage, I'm telling myself how I should be feeling and what should be happening. Am I doing it right? Am I not doing it right? But that connection with myself in that mirror was a time for me to see myself in such a better way. I remember walking back up the stairs feeling lighter, more connected, ready to do the day, and just absolutely amazed at how rare it was to freaking look in the mirror and see myself. I am amazed how I can look in the mirror day after day after day and not make eye contact with myself in the mirror. And even now, when I go to the bathroom and wash my hands, I have to force myself to look in the freaking mirror and make eye contact knowing it is impactful. Every time I make eye contact with myself, my eyes tear up, which is how I know it is such an impactful activity. That office space and bathroom will always have a special place in my heart because they reminded me that I could connect with myself in 10 seconds if I just took that time to do it. I encourage you to try it!
Go into the bathroom
Make eye contact with yourself in a mirror
Check in with yourself–ask yourself how you are doing and pause to hear the answer.
This week I have given you a variety of ways to acknowledge your feelings
The I Should be Happy When Challenge
The Worst-Case Scenario Game
The Mirror Exercise
In the next two days, I encourage you to experiment with them and see how they work for you. And if you have any questions, let me know.