The One Sentence A.S.K.
Welcome to Day 1 of week 2 of Feelings in Spiral 3
Before I was officially diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis, I went to a Local Chiropractor in my area—he was a unique specialty of chiropractic medicine who didn't physically adjust me but instead used light touches to make changes in my body. It was a bit woo-woo for me, but I was in such pain that I was willing to try anything. There are three times in my life that I will always remember where my Biggest Fan was SCREAMING at me about making the wrong choice, and I chose to ignore her. I shared one in a previous lesson when my friend convinced me to buy a traditional wedding dress. The second was hiring the wedding planner for our wedding, who was not a good fit, and the third was working with this chiropractor. I realized early on that a core tenant of the chiropractor's beliefs was I created my pain. No matter what was wrong with me, it inevitably was my fault. I wasn't working hard enough on myself or feeling enough or trusting enough, on and on. For someone who has a strong Monger and already believes everything is my fault—working with this chiropractor was not.a good fit. So I decided to quit.
I crafted an email saying I would stop my work with him and canceled my upcoming appointments. As soon as I pressed send, my Monger jumped on board with her message that it was my fault, "You should be more open. If you weren't so rigid, this would have worked for you!!"
Nope, said the BFF He was a weirdo, and really?!? It is YOUR fault you have pain! No way. It can't be all your fault—yes, I get it you are stressed, but the pain in your back, hands, and feet because of stress!?! Give me a break."
My Monger quickly rebutted, "You are a wellness professional—you are supposed to be OPEN to this stuff. But you are such a snob—too good for new age stuff, huh!!? Well, if you weren't such an elitist, maybe you wouldn't be in such pain. "
With my BFF and Monger fighting, my anxiety was off to the races, so I practiced A.S.K.
A. Acknowledge what you are feeling: insecure, doubtful, disappointed, irritated, and guilty.
S. Slow Down and Get into Your Body: I stretched to touch my toes, let myself hang there for 30 seconds, then stood up slowly and reached for the sky.
K. Kindly Pull Back to see the big picture. OK, Sweet Pea. You don't owe this man anything—you can decide to cancel your appointments for no reason. Remember—you don't need to justify, prove, defend or atone for anything. You made a good choice for yourself, and that is the end. There is no more need for debate. But let's follow up with your doctor to see what is going on with your pain.
As soon as my Biggest Fan said, "You made a good choice for you, and that is the end of it. There is no more need for debate." My Monger was quiet, and I felt less anxious.
And then, an hour later, my Monger was back, "He is going to think you are a sham of a coach if you couldn't succeed at his practice—you call yourself a wellness professional?!!
OK, I hear you. I get it. My Biggest Fan said —I made a good choice for me, and that is the end of it. And it worked. My Monger was quiet.
And two hours later—the same thing happened. I heard my Monger, and I said to myself, "I made a good choice for me, and that is the end of it."
I call this my one sentence A.S.K.
In some situations, our Monger gets her teeth into it, and she can't let go—like a dog on a bone. This chiropractor story hit a lot of my Monger's Good Girl rules. Always show the world you are a good wellness professional, be open to new things, don't be rigid, be agreeable, and don't rock the boat.
In these situations where she is fired up, she is especially loud and repetitive in her dialogue.
And the situation wasn't changing or evolving, so there weren't new messages from her.
The one-sentence A.S.K works well when you are in a particularly triggering situation and the issues your Monger is upset about aren't changing or evolving.
Such as:
attending a family reunion when a particular family member is a stressor,
attending a friend's wedding as a single person,
preparing for a work presentation,
dealing with a breakup.
In each of those examples—the Monger might be loud and repetitive, and the event is static. It isn't evolving. So you can practice A.S.K once and find the phrase that resonates in your body that will serve as affirmation—in Spiral 1, on the last day of the Self Loyalty theme, I talk about what is needed to write an affirmation—feel free to relisten.
Now a word of caution—Always looking for a shortcut, I TRIED to use the one sentence A.S.K. in all situations, and it doesn't work. It ONLY works when you have a static event and a loud, repetitive Monger. Ha! I don't talk about this trick until Spiral 3 because I want A.S..K to be second nature for you before you try the one sentence A.S.K.
And if you have ANY thoughts, questions, or ah-ha’s about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on the Ask Nancy Jane podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.