The Line Between Pushing and Lazy

Welcome to Day 2, Week 1 of the Body Theme in Spiral Three. 

I have always struggled with the line between lazy and pushing myself. Giving myself a day to rest felt lazy and indulgent rather than restorative and refreshing. To cope with this reality, I was either ON or OFF—this would look like booking myself solid with plans and projects, and then when I had worked hard enough or was too exhausted to move, I would rest—spending the whole weekend lying on the couch. 

Then, as I have shared in previous lessons,  in order to find the line between lazy and pushing, I moved on to finding the right hack—the right system or calendar or way of doing things that would heal me from this exhausting dynamic. I would implement the hack of waking up early, and when that made me more tired than productive, I implemented the hack that I need to have rigid boundaries on my time, and when that didn't work, I gave up and returned to my roots of ON or OFF. 

But you know what finally changed things for me—a reminder from my dear husband, Doug. 

One Sunday afternoon, we returned from our weekly visit to my parents. Before we left, I boldly announced that I would do some work when we returned. I had figured out that planning for the upcoming week helped my anxiety, so it was something I had been trying to do. But when we got home going to upstairs to my office and working was the last thing I wanted to do—"I don't want to work, let's watch a movie.", I said to my husband as I threw my body dramatically on the couch. "Is that your BFF or your Biggest Fan talking?" my husband said. Then realizing that he was treading on shaky ground, he said, "I mean, I am always down for a movie, but I also want you to honor your commitments to yourself."

 "Nope, It is my Biggest Fan," I said—"it was an exhausting visit with Mom and Dad. I can do the work tomorrow—I am my own boss—I deserve a rest." But when I heard the words, I deserve a rest. I knew it wasn't my Biggest Fan; it was my BFF. 

"Ugh, you are right. It is my BFF—Ok, I am going to go upstairs and do 30 minutes of work, and then I will be back down, and we can watch a movie." 

"Sounds good," my husband said, and off I went. 

That day was a blend of pushing myself and rest. I did the 30 minutes of work and planning for the coming week, and then my husband and I enjoyed a movie on the couch. That is why this interaction with my husband was such a game changer for me—it is a blend. Not a balance, not a trade-off, not a one or the other but a blend of pushing and rest. It also reminded me to recognize language is powerful, and maybe it isn't LAZY but REST, and it isn't PUSHING MYSELF TO HARD but just Kindly pushing myself. 

Here is what This blend can look like on any given day:

 I push myself to make a phone call I dread because I made a commitment to myself, and I rest over a leisurely lunch because my body is tired. 

This blend requires three things:

1. Slowing down and checking in with myself—remember the How Full is Your Glass Exercise from the last day of the Body Theme in Spiral 1? Before I agree to do something, I try to slow myself down, get into my body and do a mental check-in with my energy levels. 

2. Honoring commitments to myself—if I tell myself I will do something, I try to honor it. This prevents my BFF from convincing me I deserve time off--honoring commitments to myself is a key step in building loyalty.

3. The goal isn't doing it perfectly—the goal is learning more about myself. So when I inevitably fail, I can get back out there and remind myself that rest isn't bad and try again. 

The blend of pushing and resting is not my first response, but my anxiety is much quieter when I can practice it. And when I struggle the most at living in this blend this is a tip-off that my anxiety is high and I need to practice A.S.K.

AND if you have ANY thoughts, questions or ah-ha’s about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or  fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on the Ask Nancy Jane podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.