If I Know Something Helps Me, Why Don’t I Do It?

I have always struggled with the question If I know something helps me, then why is it the last thing I want to do? Going for a walk, journaling, being creative, and taking time to relax are all things I KNOW help me feel better, yet I have struggled to implement them in my daily life. There are many reasons WHY this struggle exists, but practicing self-loyalty while implementing these helpful activities is key to getting around it.

So I implement them without beating myself up and causing more anxiety.

One of the things I know that helps me is going for a walk. Most mornings, I walk my dog, Watterson. A few years ago, when Watterson and I started this ritual, I noticed my Monger chatted the entire way. "You are going too slow. Pick up the pace. Why did you turn here? This isn't the right way."

So to ease the Monger's pressure, whenever I had an excuse not to walk the dog, my BFF stepped in and said, "Don't worry about it, just skip the walk today. You walk EVERY day, so skip today."

Practicing self-loyalty, I challenged myself to notice how my body felt when I walked versus when I didn't take a walk, and there was a BIG difference, but I had never noticed it before. That is how out of touch I am with my body. Then I got specific about what I noticed on the days I took a walk: the end of the day goes much smoother when I walk, I am less irritated, and I have less pain. I love getting a jump on the day and being outside, just my dog and me walking the streets before the rest of the world is awake. It feels so quiet and decadent. This specificity helped me see how much I needed and loved the dog walks. AND the specificity also helped me realize I had some hang-ups from my childhood, including shame around bout doing stuff for myself vs. others, and I had some body issues that made taking the walk challenging. But because I am practicing self-loyalty, I developed a one-sentence A.S.K. that I could repeat to myself when my Monger gets too loud about those subjects. I used to think I walked the dog. Now I realize we walk each other, and that helps me re-prioritize walking.

In the past, journaling has been an activity that helps me feel less anxious, but regularly committing to it is still a work in progress: Honestly, I have some hang-ups about it. It's a challenge to get myself settled and begin journaling. Not to mention I have had instances where people have read my journals, which makes me not want to write at all. Practicing self-loyalty, I challenge myself to journal for 10 minutes and notice how I feel. It takes me a long time to settle myself, but settling becomes easier when I add permission to draw or doodle. The more freedom I feel in journaling, the easier it is. I know my Monger's main complaint when I journal is wasting time, so I do this experiment at the end of my work day when she is usually pretty quiet. I also noticed that the privacy fears aren't there anymore, so that was not an issue.

So promising findings enough to keep me inspired to try it again? Well, not yet, but before I give up, I will try some experiments with an audio journal or typing rather than writing or just drawing only. And then, I will decide if it is something I want to challenge myself to keep trying to find those specific benefits like I did with the walking or move on to another idea, such as setting aside time to be creative.

Yes, Yes, pairing the implementation of those things I know are helpful to me with self-loyalty is still messy but much more rewarding and less anxiety-filled.