Breaking The Numbing/Overindulging Cycle

Every now and then, my diet gets out of whack. Sugar becomes a major food group, and eating fruits and vegetables becomes non-existent. My swapping of food groups is a recurring theme, and when it begins, and my diet becomes all carbs all the time, I challenge myself to refocus on other food groups and limit my sugar for a week or 2. When I can meet this challenge, I am reminded of how good my body feels when I actually eat well

A couple of years ago, I was in the middle of this less sugar, more vegetables recalibration, I was in the middle of a week where there was a lot going on, and my Monger was very chatty. "You are falling behind…you have so much to do, and you are never going to finish it all." As I share in previous lessons—whenever the Monger is chatting, the BFF isn't far behind. At that moment, I see a Tim Horton's Coffee and Bakery, and my BFF makes an appearance," Get some TimBits, my friend. You need some doughnuts. They will make everything better. You've had a tough week," my BFF says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you're doing this sugar thing, but come on, TimBits, you'll just feel so much better."

As if my BFF was controlling the steering wheel, I turned into the parking lot, parked the car, walked into Tim, and purchased some TimBits. Numbing and overindulging is one of my BFF's favorite coping skills. It is a go-to cycle for me. I am stressed out, and my Monger is loud, so my BFF shows up to encourage me to relax—the only way she knows how to numb out is through over-indulging.

As I was pulling out of the parking lot, my Biggest Fan showed up, "okay, wait a minute. Do you want these TimBits? You've worked hard to get sugar out of your system and feel much better. Is this really what you want?" My BFF said, "DUH, of course you do, Girl, because this week has sucked."

Previously in my life, I would have totally, and I mean Totally with a capital T, grabbed those TimBits and ran. I would have believed the BFF that donuts would fix everything. Now we all know I would have been wrong, but that is the power of the BFF. She knows I am in emotional distress, and all these things are happening that are out of my control, but doughnuts girlfriend, that's the key.

As I drove back home, my TimBits staring at me from their perch on the passenger seat, I paused to A.S.K.

Acknowledge what I was feeling- moody, unhappy, lonely, insecure, and melancholy—all low-intensity blah types of feelings. Low-intensity blah feelings can cause more anxiety because they have less energy behind them—so they fester under the surface. Also, we tend to belittle low-intensity feelings—we will often analyze them to justify their presence—and they rarely win.

Then I Slowed down and got into my body.

I rolled my neck from side to side, which brought me into my body, and I asked myself, how does my body feel right now?" And the answer quickly came, my stomach's kind of upset, and honestly, TimBits might not taste good with this upset stomach.

Then I kindly pulled back to see the big picture.

I admitted that TimBits, while tasty, will not improve this situation. And the power of Kindly pulling back to see the big picture, I can see the options: "Wait a minute, there are many options here. I could throw away the TimBits. I could eat two TimBits and throw away the rest. I could give the TimBits away. I could eat the whole box of TimBits. I could eat the whole box of TimBits and feel great. I could eat the whole box of TimBits and feel awful. But what I cannot do is eat them mindlessly with the sole intention of numbing out.

I decided to eat two TimBits. I pulled them out of the bag and sat myself down. My Biggest Fan reminded me, "You're going to eat these TimBits and take the time to taste them. You will enjoy them and savor every bite, or you will be like yeah, not so much loving these TimBits."

I was shocked to find it was, yeah, not so much loving these TimBits. Shockingly, I threw them away. I don't think I've ever thrown away TimBits in my life. At that moment, after giving myself grace, practicing A.S.K, and being intentional about my eating, the loyal decision was to put the Timbits aside. But THAT isn't the critical part—it just so happens that DAY, the loyal choice, was to put the Timbits aside because they didn't taste good and didn't feel good in my body. There may be another time when TimBits taste fabulous, and I eat the whole box. That's okay too! As long as I am kind, slow, and intentional in my decision process, I can make self-loyal decisions about my body and my anxiety.

The Monger and the B.F.F. keep us in this militant thinking, so in the past, I thought, if I throw away the TimBits this time, then I must ALWAYS throw them away. If I eat all the TimBits, then I must ALWAYS eat all the TimBits. But self-loyalty means that, at this moment, the choice not to eat the donuts feels better. That's the power of A.S.K. it slows us down, gets us out of that black-and-white thinking, and allows us to see various options.

And if you have ANY thoughts, questions, or ah-ha’s about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on the Ask Nancy Jane podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.