Numbing and Overindulging

Welcome back to day 2 of the theme body. 

As we move through the body theme, we are looking at two concepts: 

1. building a compassionate relationship with our bodies and 

2. recognizing when anxiety is showing up in our bodies.

Today we are talking about numbing and overindulging which is a sign that anxiety is running the show. 

It is a blissfully unscheduled day. I have built in a day of writing. Years ago, this would have been the dream, working with clients and spending days writing about my favorite topics, high functioning anxiety, and self loyalty. 

After adjusting the lighting, cleaning off my desk, and grabbing enough water to last me days, I finally settled down in my office. As I sit down to write, headphones in, soothing background sounds playing, and a blank page. 

I can feel the anxiety in my stomach. The Monger starts chiming in—"what the hell are you going to say that offers anything new—who are you to be doing this? Good grief. Do you think you know something about this?! Please. "

I have fits and starts of writing, and 1 hour in, I am staring at a blank page with gibberish on it. So I decide I need to take a break. I have been thinking about the gummy bears I bought for my husband, and I head downstairs to snag a few—oh, I think I might as well turn on The Real Housewives, and maybe I could enjoy a bowl of cereal while I watch. You deserve this break, my BFF says—you need space to be creative. By the time Real Housewives is showing their scenes for next week, I have polished off all the gummy's, eaten half the box of cereal, and played ten levels of my latest phone game obsession. 

My Monger and anxiety pulled me from the chair, down the stairs, and onto the couch—with a quick stopover in the kitchen.

Ok, you might be thinking—this is procrastination, isn't it?

Yes, it is a form of procrastination, but more than that, it is a sign that I am completely cut off from my body. I am running on auto-pilot, caught up in my head, listening to the voices of the Monger and the BFF. And they are so loud I just want to numb out and overindulge in something. These two ideas tend to go together; we want to numb out, so we over-indulge in oreo cookies, scrolling for hours on Instagram or adding shoes (we don’t need) into the Zappos shopping cart. food, shopping, video games, TV, books, or social media (to name a few) there are many ways we can numb and over-indulge. 

Ideally, I would have caught my Monger BEFORE I made it downstairs and through a bag of gummy candies. I am a human being who has the default coping skill of numbing and over-indulging when my anxiety is too high.   So it is unlikely that I will catch myself that quickly—but as I have said before, it is all about Closing the Gap, shortening the time between when the behavior starts and when you notice it. 

As I debate starting another episode of the Real Housewives, I think, wait a minute—the plan for today was to write — so why am I starting another episode? Of course, my Monger comes in first, "Of course, you want to start another episode. You are the queen of over-eating and watching crap TV in the middle of the day!!" 

But I am on to her—and I decided I needed to bring in the Biggest Fan and practice some self loyalty, which starts with me practicing the Acronym A.S.K. A acknowledging what I am feeling: embarrassed, frustrated, worried, unsure, apprehensive. Then moving on to. S. Slow Down and Get Into Your body As I carry my bowl out to the kitchen, I take slow, deliberate steps feeling my feet hit the floor. K. Kindly Pull Back to See the Big Picture—and I say OK-writing this project is very important to you. I know it is hard, and I know you get impatient, but let's stay super aware of when we get off track and try to pull us back. Maybe we could set a timer or sit outside in the sunshine or reward ourselves with watching the next episode of Real Housewives after we finish 500 words.

I again sit down to write, timer set, headphones in, soothing background sounds playing, and a blank page. 

Again I can feel the anxiety in my stomach, and AGAIN the Monger starts chiming in—what the hell are you going to say that offers anything new—who are you to be doing this? Good grief. Do you think you know something about this?! Please. 

Yep, I think this writing stuff is HARD. AND I  love writing. Let's concentrate on writing two paragraphs. Just get words on the page, messy first draft, as they say. We got this—a LOVE of writing and a desire to write more. Let's not let our Monger take that away from us for the next 20 minutes. 

Over the next 20 minutes, when I notice my Monger chatting, I give myself super self-loyalty, reminding myself that it is ok that this is hard AND I still need to stay with it. And when that doesn't work, move to Slow Down and Get into my body and do some form of body movement, stretching to the sky or wiggling my body. Gradually, I am in a groove, and the timer dings, and I decide to hold off on the 2nd episode of Real Housewives and keep writing. TV can wait. 

What are your numbing/over-indulging go-to's? Start building awareness of when you numb and overindulge. When you notice it, practice A.S.K. Acknowledge what you are feeling (remember to grab your feelings sheet) Slowing Down and Getting into your body and K Kindly pull back to see the big picture where you remind yourself you are re-building a relationship with your body, which will take time. One step of loyalty at a time. 

See you tomorrow!