Using Technology to Cope with Anxiety
Last week as per tradition, my nearest and dearest and I joined a group of friends to celebrate New Year's Eve in a cabin in the woods. The cabin is in the middle of nowhere, so there is no cell service, no wifi, no connection with the outside world.
On the first morning, I sat down at the dining room table, looked out the window at the beautiful winter landscape, and opened my book. Two things immediately struck me.
The quiet. The serene and calmness of the day.
My underlying anxiety. My overwhelming urge to check my email, look for missed calls or peruse Facebook.
Here I was in the middle of beauty and nature. I had literally been counting the days until I would be in this peaceful location, and I was FREAKING OUT. I knew my addiction to technology was bad, but I didn't know how bad it had gotten. So I decided to practice what I preach and I just noticed.
I noticed every time I had the urge to 'check in' via technology.
I noticed every time I wanted to 'google' an answer to a question.
I noticed every time I wanted to post a picture to social media.
I was shocked at how frequently I had an urge. I noticed. Every time I noticed, I breathed.
Here is what I noticed:
I am not that important. You know what I missed with three days of disconnectedness. NOTHING. Now granted, it was a holiday, and with running my business, it would be challenging not to be connected for three days on a workweek. But my world didn't stop because I didn't see everyone's New Year's wishes. My life wasn't incomplete when I missed the emails trying to sell me the latest program for 2014.
I don't have to know the answer. Surprisingly the activity I missed the most was not being able to Google an answer to a question. To live in that 'uncertainty' was terrifying and freeing. To have to debate without a definitive answer. To have to 'let it go' was fun!
Hands down, my most significant and most life-changing confirmation (I had suspected this for some time) technology is how I cope with my anxiety and innate "Introvertedness." It is how I can 'disconnect' within a group of people.
I look up the answer' while everyone is talking.
I 'check my email' when there is a lull in the conversation.
I can dive into Facebook when I am feeling overwhelmed.
So to BE without my security blanket was TOUGH. However, I also realized it is a catch-22. The more 'connected' I am via technology, the more anxious I become. As with all harmful addictions, it is selling me an un-truth.
By the end of our stay, I was more relaxed, grounded, and at peace. I resolved to decrease my technology usage (specifically my iPad usage), and it had been an interesting process. So far, some days are better than others. Because without my technology, I have to breathe through the anxiety. As I always say, decreasing anxiety is a process. The more we can face ourselves, notice, and breathe, the easier the journey becomes.