Stopping the Anxiety Rabbit Hole
I should go outside and sit on the porch. Gorgeous days like this are few in Ohio and come January, you will regret it. But my allergies are so bad, and if I sit outside, I will be congested all night.
I should go outside and sit on the porch and read my book—I should read more. But the porch furniture isn’t very comfortable, and after working in the yard this morning, my back hurts.
And then it ramps up, and my Monger steps in to remind me what a GOOD person would do. A good person would be sitting outside enjoying the weather, not staying in the house.
Yesterday afternoon was a beautiful sunny day, and I had the afternoon free. Hours stretched before me, and I spent the first part of it debating how I should spend the day. Initially, it starts pretty benignly, debating inside or outside. But then, if I am not aware, it can take on a darker, more rigid turn where I morph from what I should do to what a good person does, and then I can head down the rabbit hole of shame and anxiety. Unscheduled free time to most people would be a gift, but it can trigger my anxiety big time. All the rules of what I should do and how I could be doing it better or different can plague me.
The debate is so familiar it can take me a while to notice it.
That is one of the hardest parts about High Functioning Anxiety; the negative spirals are so normalized I don’t always notice them before I am down a dark rabbit hole where I am a lazy, loser all because I chose to sit inside and not outside on a sunny day!!
The other challenge to noticing the negative spirals is my brain is constantly in motion, analyzing, problem-solving, judging, etc. So even if I hear the debate, I jump into problem-solving--how can I solve this problem?!?! The solution is not in more thinking. The solution is slowing down and checking in.
Years ago, I wouldn’t have noticed the thoughts playing there; I would have just acted on them. So I would have forced myself to go outside and then beat myself up for not enjoying it. Or I would have decided to stay inside and beat myself up for not going outside. By the time the evening rolled around, I would have been an anxious mess full of shame and trying to find a way to do it right so my Monger would be quiet and I could feel better (which usually involved sugar and/or alcohol).
Yesterday as I was engaging in the “should I go outside” debate, I went to the bathroom, and as I looked in the mirror and made eye contact, I said to myself, "What do you want to do?!" I answered with, "stay inside", and so the next time I heard the “we should go outside mantra,” I said to myself, “I want to stay inside, so that is the end of the discussion.”
This process of awareness building and stopping yourself before you head down an anxiety rabbit hole is why I am so passionate about my one-on-one work. I take an unconventional approach. The traditional individual 60 minutes sessions can cause more anxiety and be more analysis and problem-solving. My clients don’t have to wait, and they can reach out to me any time and start noticing the anxiety rabbit holes earlier and earlier. Coach in Your Pocket has been a game-changer for my work and, most importantly, my clients.