Danger Signs that Resentment is Hiding under your Acceptance.
Here's a scenario:
You are dropping the kids off at school. A fellow Mom runs up to ask you if you would be able to pick her kids up and watch them later that day. "My babysitter canceled last minute. Can you help?"
Immediately, you think. "No, I have errands to run and work to catch up on, and this is the 3rd time this month you have asked for this same favor."
But then suddenly, as if possessed, you hear yourself saying: "No problem," "I can handle it," 'I would be happy to help," "I got it, don't worry about it."
How often do these phrases come out of your mouth? How often are they followed with the thought of Ugh! Here we go again. Why does it always fall on me?
We all want to be agreeable, helpful, and pleasant. But too often, our acceptance builds into resentment, and we end up paying the price in anxiety, anger, and exhaustion.
6 Danger Signs that Resentment is hiding under your Acceptance:
Inner Dialogue War: You walk away from the situation with an inner war going on. Half of you is bitter and angry that you didn't step up and say no. Half of you is berating yourself for being so selfish and not wanting to be there for another mother. These two halves spend much of the day warring without any conclusion.
Short Tempered: As you get back in the car, your husband calls, and you pick a fight about whose job it is to make dinner. Because your plans just got destroyed, you immediately take it out on him that he is not helpful enough.
Gossip/Passive Aggressive: While you agree to watch her kids, you find yourself talking about her to the other mothers at school or making digs at her to your husband. Or maybe even taking it out on her kids. Again, when we aren't saying what we mean, it oozes out in other places.
Increased Anxiety: When we aren't listening to ourselves and speaking up, our anxiety can go through the roof. First, you already had your day planned--now you have to reschedule your life, rearranging priorities and needs. Secondly, when you aren't speaking up for yourself, resentment increases which causes our anxiety to skyrocket.
Exhausted: You find yourself exhausted by the end of the day. Yes, you are busy and over-worked. However, when we aren't living congruently, we say Yes when we want to say No. It is draining. This incongruency takes its toll leaving us tired, defeated, and disengaged. Not to mention the toll of putting other's needs first ahead of our priorities and errands--therefore leaving us having to scramble last minute.
Confusion-why don't they get it?: This is the number one sign of resentment--utter confusion of why don't they get it? Sometimes we think we are sending signals that we don't want to do something while the words "yes" are coming out of our mouths. But usually, those signals are so small and minute that they are barely noticeable. They don't get it because you aren't SAYING it. Bottom line: If you aren't looking out for your needs and priorities, no one else will.
Recognizing that resentment is showing up in your life is the first step. Building awareness around WHEN and WITH WHOM you tend to say yes when you mean no is the next. And slowly learning how to speak your needs, stand up for yourself and say NO consistently is the next.