Your To-Do List Doesn’t Measure your Self Worth

It is warm and sunny here and, all I want to do is hang out. I have been running from thing to thing most of the day, and if I am honest, I haven't accomplished anything on my to-do list. I was just getting ready to grab my latest novel and sit out on the porch, and then I heard my internal voice go off. I told myself, "AT LEAST write in your blog, then you will feel like you accomplished something, then you will feel good about yourself" And then I caught myself, caught my internal messages. REALLY?!? I will feel good about myself when I accomplish something! Will I? Or will I just add to the list of more things I need to do to feel good about myself? 

It is annoying. No matter how much I know and have internalized the message that I am lovable, worthy, valuable period. I still have the underlying message of you will be good enough when ________. So I decided to go back through my day and think about all the messages that just happened today.

I will feel good enough when:

the kitchen is clean,

I make a million dollars,

the house is free of dog hair (which is never going to happen even if I vacuumed every hour)

I have watched everything on my DVR

I have checked off everything on my work to-do list

I finish the book my mom lent me two weeks ago

I eat healthier and treat my body better.

And that, my friends, is just what I can remember from today. Who knows how many other messages I didn't acknowledge. How many messages have YOU heard today?

These messages are prevalent. We are fighting an uphill battle trying to win out over our Monger. But the key, as I see it continues, to be awareness that she is lurking there. That pesky little voice tells me I will be enough only WHEN I accomplish something. The truth is this voice can be motivating. She can inspire me to get up off the couch and write, vacuum, or return a phone call. But the damage comes when we get stuck in the belief "I will be good enough when." Bottom line, I am good enough no matter what, even if I gave myself the rest of the day off to hang on the porch and read. AND at the end of the day, I will probably feel better if I accomplish a few things on my to-do list. However, neither option has anything to do with my self-worth. They are just options, choices in how I spend my time. Because the list will always be there, a free evening to hang with my dog reading a good book in the sun won't always--guess I made my choice.