An Addiction to Busyness
I confess I am a busyness addict. When I get stressed, overwhelmed, or tired, I know that I move quickly into run, run, run mode. Many of us with high functioning anxiety suffer from busyness addictions, and it can be one of the biggest symptoms of HFA.
Run, Run Run mode means you don’t have to think, feel, engage or be, you just run. Run to the next item on your to-do list, run to the next event, run to the next ‘thing’ doesn’t matter what you are running towards as long as you are running.
I would also confess I am a busyness addict in recovery, meaning I am aware that I have this problem, and I TRY to put rituals into place to catch myself. But occasionally, the pull of busyness is just too great, and I have fallen off the recovery wagon into the temptation of busyness.
Signs of Busyness Addiction
People with high functioning anxiety tend to struggle with the busyness and hustle addiction. People who struggle with HFA constantly keep themselves busy, so they don’t feel anxious, overwhelmed, or like an underachiever when they’re not completing a to-do list.
Here are some signs you might be a busyness addict:
Your emotional reaction to life is not congruent with the events of your life. For example, you are going through something painful, sad, or even joyous and happy, yet your affect is pretty much flat-lined. You aren’t “feeling” anything.
You become obsessed with checking things off the to-do list, often telling yourself, ‘once I get everything done, THEN I can relax.’ Here’s a shocking fact–you won’t ever get everything off the to-do list!! (This one has become my number one sign!)
You are ALWAYS multitasking; if you are watching TV, you are on the computer; if you are talking on the phone, you are making dinner. You can’t stand to do one thing and just engage in that activity.
You are obsessed with checking your phone, email, social media, whatever you constantly have to be checking in with the outside world.
The number one thing all of these traits have in common: They pull us away from ourselves. They pull us into busyness. And when we are in busy mode, we don’t have to FEEL anything–which sadly is the goal.
The price that we pay for not feeling is that we can’t engage with our life. We can’t show up, be present, be grateful and be intentional about life. Addiction to busyness is a coping mechanism for dealing with HFA that actually can make it worse.
What Does Busyness Look Like?
The idea of “hustle culture” that we live in doesn’t help our busyness addiction either. Because for those of us with HFA, not only do we feel like we’re always busy, but we can’t seem to say no out of fear of letting people down.
Maybe your busyness looks like this:
You get a phone call saying the latest report didn’t run correctly, so you stay late to fix it.
Your son hints that he wants cupcakes to take to school for his birthday–you stay up past 3 am to make sure they are perfectly prepared.
Your husband asks you to pick up his favorite suit on your way home. You drive 15 minutes out of your way (OK, really 45 with traffic) to get it.
Your co-worker asks you to help out (AGAIN) with this month’s birthday luncheon. Even though it is her responsibility, you say yes.
Your mother-in-law asks you to stop in for lunch on Saturday. Between soccer and errands, you make a hurried stop at her house.
On Friday morning, your sister asks you to babysit on Saturday–her babysitter canceled at the last minute. You shift your movie night with your husband to accommodate.
Do you know what all of these scenarios have in common? The theme is “I CAN’T LET THEM DOWN.” This is when we’re in hustle mode. And we can’t seem to overcome being busy because now we’re faced with the fear of letting people down.
How High Functioning Anxiety Connects to Busyness
The coping strategies of people with high functioning anxiety and busyness addicts, they’re very similar. The driving force behind each of these actions that create the busyness addiction is the terror that you might:
not be perceived as “all that” to someone.
disappoint someone
be seen as a slacker
make someone sad
put someone out
not live up to expectations
These terrors are why we take on the Can’t Let Them Down Hustle. We put ourselves last, go out of our way, and drive ourselves to the point of exhaustion to make sure others perceive us as kind, giving, and wonderful.
If you’ve ever felt completely worn out because you were constantly taking on more, you may have high functioning anxiety.
These patterns have become ingrained in us–from a young age. And unless we actively engage these patterns, they will continue to become ingrained.
The number one reason people start working with me and cry out “I am exhausted” is because they are engaging in the Can’t Let Them Down Hustle. They are spending too much of their time operating on automatic pilot and hustling for others.
Yes, we all have obligations. We all have things we need to get done, AND we need to be clear on our motives. Is it because we need to get something done, or is it because we are unnecessarily hustling.
After many years of being in hustle and busyness recovery, I still (more frequently than I care to admit) catch myself Hustling and have to pause and ask myself:
“Is this hustle necessary?”
“Why are you hustling for?”
“Is it worth it?”
“What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t hustle?”
These questions help stop the cycle of hustle and high functioning anxiety. Because if we can’t stop the vicious cycle of hustle and busyness, then we can’t Live Happier. We will always be chasing the proverbial carrot and never succeeding.
How to Reduce Busyness In Your Life
So what can you do to reduce busyness in your life and set healthy boundaries?
Recognize your ‘busyness’ signs
Eliminate activities that leave you overwhelmed
Include natural check-in points throughout the day
Ask friends and family to help you stay accountable.
Remember, this is a process.
As an anxiety coach and someone who is in recovery, I KNOW that life is so much better when I am not in my addiction; I am happier, more engaged, more peaceful, and more present. Life is technical, color, and bright.
What about you? Can you relate to the busyness addiction? What are your signs of HFA? What have you found that helps? I would LOVE to hear from you. If you struggle with high anxiety and the addiction of busyness, I would love to help.