Rules for our Body
Welcome to day 4 of the theme body in Spiral 2
One of the features of High Functioning Anxiety is we look to the external world to tell us how to behave and what to do. We then internalize those messages, which become rigid rules we use to guide our lives.
These rigid rules usually start with the phrase good people, and they can be pretty universal, like—good people brush their teeth twice a day. Good people get up early. But they can also be more personalized and narrow; some rules specific to me: good people don’t lounge in their pajamas, or good people work out every day for 30 minutes.
These rules show up in a variety of areas of our life. I am sharing them in the body theme because many of these rules prevent us from having a relationship with our bodies and prevent us from building loyalty to ourselves. When we can just BE in our bodies and not get caught up in rules, we can relax and build more self-loyalty. Slowing down and dropping into our bodies is the ultimate way to build self-loyalty.
Ok, Nancy, so how do the rules good people don’t lounge in their pajamas and good people work out every day for 30 minutes keep you out of your body??? Well, I am so glad you asked.
Let’s take the rule good people don’t lounge in their pajamas. I don’t know where I got this one, maybe because it was rare to see my parents in their pajamas—lazy days of lounging were not commonplace in my house growing up, which is why they are so important to me now as an adult. I love lazy days of lounging—but NOT in my pajamas. In the evenings, I often want to put my pajamas on—relax into my body, and just lounge comfortably on our couch. But my Monger will step in and say, “COME ON! Really it is only 7p, and you are going to put on your PJs, please—what if someone comes over?!? What will they think.”
It is not only the rigidity of the rule—the good person vs. bad person idea—but more so, it is the fact that I blindly follow it. Without question, I will believe my rules.
To break the rigidity of the rule first, I have to catch it happening, and then I do the K part of A.S.K. Kindly pull back to see the big picture. I start to question the rigidity of the rule. IF someone randomly stopped by (which is a rarity in our world), would they think I am a BAD person if I put on my pajamas!?!? No. Most of the people who would randomly stop by would be thrilled for me that I could be lounging in my Pj’s at 7 pm! They wouldn’t be judging me; they would be celebrating me.
By following this rule, I am keeping myself out of my body, preventing myself from relaxing and being in my body.
The same idea applies to the good people who work out every day for 30 minutes. This rule is harder because it is true working out every day for 30 minutes is a healthy choice—however, the rigidity comes in when I link it to being a better person if I work out. But because this rule is so rigid with the time, I often won’t work out if I can’t hit the 30-minute time—which means I often don’t work out. To break the rigidity of the rule, first I have to catch it happening, and then I do the K part of A.S.K. Kindly pull back to see the big picture. I start to question the rigidity of the rule. Yes, working out every day for 30 minutes is a healthy choice, but so is working out for 15 minutes or even 10 minutes—moving my body is a healthy choice. How I choose to do it or the time limit doesn’t matter. It is healthier for me to move my body every day than to get caught up in how long I am doing it.
Start listening to the rigid rules your Monger has for doing life. Notice how many of these rules keep you cut off from your body because the Monger tells you there is a right way and a wrong way to engage with your body. Challenge yourself to Practice K. Kindly pull back to see the big picture and add some options to the rigid rule that allows you to move past it.
See you tomorrow