Noticing When you Cross Your Body’s Boundary
There are a lot of beliefs and messages that keep people with HFA from attuning to our bodies. We have talked about many of them in previous lessons. We suffer better than others, we are superhuman, and we need to justify our pain or fatigue. These beliefs have been supported and fine-tuned by society, rewarding us for pushing too hard and getting a lot done.
I learned early on that my body should be ignored and bent to my will. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized, wait a minute—maybe I need to be supporting my body, not bending it to my will? I had to start with the basics—as we talked about on day 2 of this week, just learning how to notice when my body has gone too far and being kind to myself when I notice it.
it's a Wednesday morning and I've been at my desk for three hours already I notice my neck hurting as I work on my computer. I quickly stretch my neck as I keep typing on my computer. The win is I noticed my neck hurting. I NOTICE, but I don’t change the behavior. Yes, as the over-achiever changing the behavior would be great extra credit points, but it isn’t sustainable. When I try to change too much I end up white-knuckling my way through it or doing it from a place of SHOULD rather than really making true change. Because these messages are so hard-wired in my brain, it is important to take baby steps. Baby steps allow time for each change to be cemented and felt in my psyche and here are the baby steps I take Step 1 notice all the times I push myself beyond the boundary. Step 2 Build awareness of what it felt like when you pushed yourself too far. Looking back, when did you notice it? How did it feel?
After a long day, I am standing in the kitchen cooking dinner, I notice my back is throbbing—I think back to when I first started noticing it—well, actually, it was a few hours ago when I stood up from my desk to go to the bathroom and my back tensed up. I didn’t even notice it at the time. But now, hours later, I can notice it. My Biggest Fan stepped in. “Wow, OK, your back is very tense. Where can you feel it? My lower back hurts. Amazingly, I didn’t notice it.”
Why can’t I concentrate on this task? I ask myself—you just have two more things to do, and you can call it a day. Keep focused. “Wait a minute; My biggest fan says “when was the last time you had something to drink? Maybe that is why you can’t concentrate.” Oh right, I think--my water glass has been sitting here empty for hours because I just wanted to do one more thing, and I never filled it up. My head feels fuzzy, I have a headache, and I am losing patience—all signs that I am dehydrated!!
The next morning, on my walk with my dog Watterson— a thunderstorm pops up out of nowhere, and we are caught in a downpour, so we run the last few blocks home. I am not a runner, so when I get home, my thighs and hips burn. I notice my Monger quickly steps in. You are so out of shape. No wonder it hurt so much. But then my biggest fan chimes in, “Yes, You are out of shape, AND you have arthritis in your hips, so running is exceptionally hard right now. You pushed yourself too hard. Be Kind.” I know that this push wasn’t anything I did intentionally, but because my Monger started the day by criticizing me for being out of shape my reaction will be to push myself harder all day—so I make sure I am more aware of my Monger’s voice throughout the day.
As you can see from these three examples of noticing when I had pushed my body too far, the key is simply noticing it. and, as much as possible, building detailed awareness of how your body felt and when you pushed it too far.
THEN after you have done this process for a few days/week, you can move on to the 3rd step, which is making changes and doing something about the behavior. We will be talking about how to do that in Spiral 3. So, for now, start tracking when you have pushed your body too far.
See you in a couple of days!