If I Don't Beat Myself Up I Won't Get Anything Done

Welcome to Week 2 of Spiral 2 in the Beliefs Theme—quite the mouthful. We are talking about how our unhealthy coping skills show up in various ways. 

Today we are talking about the power of hustling—and one of our beliefs about hustling is: If I don’t hammer myself, I won’t get anything done. This is a challenging belief to let go of—because it is true. You will get more done if you hammer yourself. AND you will be tired, miserable, and cranky. This belief drove me for most of my life–pushing and hustling in the hope that the next accomplishment would finally make me feel at peace. Slowly over time I realized, that mentality wasn’t working–I wasn’t finding peace instead I was left with a Monger who was never happy and  hammered me constantly about not doing enough or accomplishing enough, 

My Monger tells me “You are lazy and incompetent and you need me to hammer you or you won’t get anything done” and “you will always give yourself the easy way out.”

If I practice self-loyalty, I will always give myself the easy way out.

Here's the thing: When I go to war with myself, I am saying, 'I am a fat, lazy slob who can't accomplish anything without a good ass whooping!!!" I have swallowed the belief I am inherently lazy, so I need to constantly hammer myself to accomplish anything. I will a become Netflix binging, chocolate-eating, lazy asshole without this hammer.

What a hostile way to live!!

NO wonder I am  stressed out and exhausted...how about you? Its like being at constant war with ourselves. Honestly, we are innately good, loving, kind individuals. We are not robots, we are not perfect, and we are not infallible. We are human beings. So yes, sometimes we need a Netflix, binge-watching, chocolate-eating Saturday afternoon. The truth is there are tasks and responsibilities. Stuff we HAVE to do, and sometimes we HAVE to do it when we don't want to. Practicing self-loyalty doesn't mean we always give ourselves a pass or take the easy way out.  Loyalty means we don't hammer ourselves into doing a task. Here's a radical idea: the more we give ourselves love and compassion, the more we will accomplish stuff. 

Because we believe we need the Monger to criticize us or we won’t get anything done, we hammer ourselves so hard that we are exhausted, insecure, and beaten up. So then our response is to give a giant 'f-you' to our Monger, so we go the opposite way, listen to our BFF, and give ourselves a HUGE pass.  go ahead, you deserve a break let’s grab a glass of wine and a bag of chips.” says my BFF.. We over-indulge in the name of ‘false self-compassion. But that is a bastardized version of self-compassion because those 'too much' behaviors aren't healthy. They aren't KIND to ourselves. If we were kind to ourselves, we would enjoy that stuff in moderation. We wouldn't need to overindulge because we wouldn't be giving a giant 'f-you" to our inner critic.

As I write this post, it is a Saturday morning. Honestly, the last place I want to be today is writing, but I have a lot of work to accomplish today. I have reserved today to do a lot of writing because I will be out of the office next week enjoying time with my family. So today is the only day I can check a lot of stuff off my list. I HAVE to do this work today. In other words, binge-watching, chocolate eating is not in my future for today.

I wanted to show you the difference between the Monger and the Biggest Fan voice here. 

7:30 am

Me: Ugh, I don't want to work today. I wish I could curl up on the couch and read a good book all day.

Monger: Ok, girl, if you don't get up and at it right away, you won't get anything done--no relaxation for you, up and at your computer ASAP.

Biggest Fan: You have a lot to do today so let's start the day with a good breakfast, and you can watch one TV show you enjoy, but in exchange, you have to be in the office by 9:30.

9:45 am

Me: Well, l missed the deadline. I am just now getting to the office

Monger:: Yep, you suck. I told you that you were a lazy asshole. Now you are going to be behind all day.

Biggest Fan: That's ok. Just buckle down and get this done. Let's turn off all the distractions and just concentrate on writing.

10:30 am

Me: Oh, let's check email--maybe I got an email. Oh, my cat looks so cute. Let me take a picture and post it on social media.

Monger: There you go again. You will be so far behind you will NEVER get this done. You just can't be trusted.

Biggest Fan: ok, what's going on? are you stuck? Why don't you want to write? We have our topics. We have the outline; you just need to do it. Let's write non-stop for 10 minutes, and then you can take a break.

11:00am

Me: Wow! that time when faster than I thought, I finished my article. Now I will grab some water and start on the next thing.

Biggest Fan: Nice work! Only four more things to do. We can get this stuff done and read today too!

See the difference? The Biggest Fan voice still encourages me to get things done rather than being at war with myself. It is a teammate. It isn't giving me a free pass; it isn't telling me to take the day off. It is lovingly encouraging me to do what is best for me, which is to get my work done to enjoy my vacation and enjoy a good book once I finish everything on my list.