The Drive for Perfection
Welcome to Day 3 of the second spiral of beliefs. Today we are talking about the drive for perfection.
What is perfection isn't the true goal but rather the goal is growing, learning, and being content?
And spoiler alert, those three concepts don't come via perfection.
Yes, questing for a perfect mistake-free life t keeps your Monger quiet—but it is a losing quest—because we miss out on the growth and excitement of life if perfection is our number one goal.
I am OBSESSED with the Great British Baking Show. It is wonderfully relaxing to watch amateur bakers compete in what they love.
Each episode has a theme, and there are three challenges, two the bakers can prepare for and one technical challenge in which they have to use their skills and instincts. I love watching people do what they love; the passion and focus are inspiring.
It is a competition ripe for anxiety, panic, and self-doubt. The show has reinforced what I know (and sometimes struggle to implement) regarding anxiety management and, specifically, perfectionism.
It isn't all or nothing. Often, we tend to see the world as winning or losing in all or nothing terms. But in reality, life is way more nuanced than simply perfect or not perfect. With the bakers, there is presentation, and there is taste. Something might look amazing and taste like garbage. Or vice-versa. A baker will present a disastrous presentation, but it tastes magnificent when they cut into it! It is a reminder to keep going because you never know what the outcomes will look like.
Even when things look bleak, you might be surprised by the outcome. Frequently the bakers will completely fail in one part of their bake. They will burn something, forget an ingredient, or drop something on the floor. The bakers who do best allow themselves a meltdown (crying, freaking out, getting angry) and then keep going. Because they allow time for the negative energy to get out, they can let the failure go and remember their skills and instincts. They problem-solve easier, and sometimes they even pull out a win! By contrast, the bakers who try to 'soldier on' and don't allow the energy to get out can't focus enough to move on; they keep returning and, therefore, get stuck in the failure. So too, the bakers who just give up; they let their Monger win and stop baking.
Trust your instincts; you know more than you think you do. As I mentioned above, the bakers who could see the bigger picture, remember that they had a lot of experience, and tap into that experience to solve problems did the best. Again, the bakers who focused on what they didn't know or focused on their mistakes could not regroup and keep going.
Your worthiness is not dependent on the final product. The bakers who knew they couldn't control everything did the best. Sometimes the air temperature was too hot; they made mistakes or didn't know the technique. But when the bakers could remember that their final product wasn't a reflection of them as a person but only a reflection of their knowledge and skill, they could take the judges' feedback and use it in their next bake. The bakers who were there to learn AND compete did the best.
Overall the key to the bakers' success was self-loyalty. And by success, I mean less anxiety, more fun, and improving their skill. The show reminds me how vital self-loyalty is when we feel anxiety about failure.
telling yourself the truth (yes, I made a mistake),
allowing the feelings around that mistake (anger, sadness, disappointment),
giving yourself kindness (the mistake doesn't affect my worth).
As always, with these topics, it is way easier to understand than it is to practice. And, of course, when we practice, it will be imperfect. We just can't escape that damn imperfection no matter how hard we try. :)