Learning is Fun Implementing is Hard
One of the reasons I have so many unread self-help books and half-finished courses is a simple fact that learning is fun implementing is hard. Learning about myself, what makes me tick, and why I do what I do is intriguing. I would buy a self-help book and learn about myself, but once the book started getting into the HOW to make change, my BFF and Monger would step in. My Monger said, “You can never change. You will fail.” And my BFF would step in to defend me, “You don’t need to change. You are amazing just as you are.”
Implementing is hard and triggering for my perfectionistic tendencies. So I never made it past the learning stage.
And this is why making self-loyalty the goal is so important. The goal isn’t to quiet your anxiety or to stop all your unhealthy coping skills. No, the goal is to be loyal to yourself to have your own back And that in turn will help to quiet your anxiety and ease off some of those unhealthy coping skills
In a few short days, Self Loyalty School will be over, the learning will be done, but the implementation will continue. I want to give you a few ways to reframe implementing using self-loyalty as your guide.
1. There isn’t a right way. Ok, but there has to be a RIGHT way. The number of times I catch myself saying that—but now I can laugh at it and know to remind myself that finding the right way seems like it would make life easier, but that is old thinking. The new thinking is the right way depends on the day, and it is my job to say curious and be loyal to myself. Sunday is traditionally laundry day, I can get militant about making sure I do laundry on Sundays even if I am exhausted, or it is a busy weekend. But when I catch myself dragging myself downstairs on Sunday to do laundry–does this HAVE to happen today? Encouraging some wiggle room. Sometimes I do have to drag myself downstairs because the laundry needs to get done–but doing it because it is helping my family vs. because it is a rule that Sunday I do laundry makes it an easier task.
2. You are reprogramming your brains—that takes time, maybe a lifetime. This is why the goal isn’t successfully reprogramming or stopping all unhealthy coping skills. It is about living a life where your anxiety doesn’t run the show as often, and when it does, you know what to do. It is being present in your life rather than consumed by the voices in your head. One of my default beliefs is still that my over-functioning is necessary for me to get anything done. But now I know that belief isn’t true because I have experimented with how good it feels and how much more I accomplish when I am not over functioning. So when I catch myself over-functioning, I can challenge that default belief and decrease its power.
3. Self-loyalty ALWAYS means having my own back. Self-loyalty inspires me to do things that make me feel better and makes me a better friend, wife, daughter, sister, and coach. I admit, sometimes I can convince myself to practice A.S.K. Or slow down because I know I will be a better person for my husband and, by extension myself. But that is ok because being a kind wife is part of my values. I still am a people pleaser, but now I use that pleasing to support building self loyalty.
The goal is to live with our Monger, BFF, and anxiety. The difference is we aren’t at war with them anymore. Our only job is not to let them run the show anymore—-by bringing in the Biggest Fan. Some days, we will be excellent at that, and some days they will win. Either way, we are always practicing A.S.K and implementing self-loyalty.