Your Body is Not the Enemy

As you have heard me say, getting into our bodies is crucial to quieting our anxiety.

Getting into my body has always been hard because I didn't like my body. In the body theme of spiral one and spiral 2, I share that when I would try to slow down and get into my body, my Monger stepped in, "Your body is broken. You need a lot of help to fix it!" Sometimes that meant making my body perform better, and sometimes that meant losing weight. But the comments were usually directed at my size and strength. How do I quiet the Monger and call in the Biggest Fan when messages from society and my family keep me out of my body through unrealistic beauty standards?

In the body theme of Spiral 1 and Spiral 2, I share how to deal with Monger messages like the one I mentioned so they don't run the show. But in Spiral 3, we are going to dig a little deeper. As I worked on building my own self-loyalty, I got a grip on the Monger messages. I realized that while I wasn't hammering my body on the regular—I wasn't accepting it either. My body and I had made an uneasy peace where I could slow down and get into my body without always triggering my Monger into some hate-filled rant about myself. In Spiral 2, Day 3, I share how gratitude for my body improved my relationship with my body. The idea of gratitude moved me from being 95% mean and 5% nice to my body to 40% mean and 60% nice. But that was as far as I could move the needle. I couldn't seem to convince my Monger to be nicer. Building self-loyalty with my body was a goal I was striving for.

Last winter, my husband and I took a long weekend getaway with another couple, Sara and Charlie. Sara and I planned a relaxing weekend in the woods with hiking, good food, games, and lots of relaxation. On the first night, standing in the kitchen chatting over a bottle of wine, Sara lamented her skin and how she was having such problems with her skin. She had brought a couple of face masks and planned to try them during the weekend. Sara said, "I always feel so embarrassed wearing these masks, but have you seen my skin!?!? It is awful! Just awful. If I could change two things about myself, it would be my bad skin and my thin, limp hair. YOU have AMAZING hair and skin."

"Huh," I said, "I never noticed your skin or your hair." Sara looked at me aghast. "How could you NOT!!?" Sara said.

To be honest, I wasn't looking at her skin or hair because I was too busy comparing my body size to Sara's, who was smaller and more athletic than me. And that is when it hit me. "You know what?!? I told Sara, "there are two areas of my body I pay very little attention to my hair and my skin, and that is what you compliment me on. Now my body size?! That is something I wish I could change. Isn't it funny that we all have something we want to change about ourselves, and THAT is all we concentrate on?"

I know it doesn't sound like a big ah-ha. We always see our negatives and others' positives first—that's Spiral one stuff, Nancy—we are in Spiral 3!

Here's why THIS ah-ha is in Spiral 3. That night sitting with Sara and talking about her acne, I realized she believed her face was a personal failing, and if she were a better person, she wouldn't have acne. I knew that I wasn't any better than her even though I didn't struggle with acne, my skin looks great, and I don't do anything but wash it with bar soap and use moisturizer. So I am certainly not better than Sara.

But I believed my weight struggles were a personal failing, so I thought SHE was better than me because she didn't struggle with her weight. At that moment, I could see that we were just two women with bodies that we would like to change. We aren't less than others because our bodies aren't perfect. Before that night, I had settled into an uneasy peace with my body—but Sara helped me see my body's size isn't a personal failing any more than my skin and hair make me better.

This ah-ha is in Spiral 3 because I couldn't have seen this without making some peace with my body—which happens in Spiral 1 and Spiral 2.

And in Spiral 3, the idea is to remind yourself your body isn't a personal failing. I heard a quote years ago that I must share with all of you your body is not the enemy. Expand the definition of your body to mean ALL of your body, the parts you don't like, AND the parts you like.

If you are anything like me, you are probably asking, ok, but what if I do have something I want to change about myself—I will be answering that tomorrow!

See you then.