Using our She-Hulk Traits
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Welcome to Day 4 of the 2nd week of the body theme. At the end of last week, I talked about over-functioning and how the more we recognize it in our bodies, the less likely it is to spiral out of control. Today I explore using those unhealthy coping skills, such as over-functioning in a healthy way. I call these my she-Hulk skills—let me explain.
My husband is a fan of all the Marvel Super Hero comic movies—and by default, I am too. Nowhere near the fan that he is, but still a fan. Recently we started watching the Disney TV show She-Hulk. If you aren’t familiar—She-Hulk is the cousin of The Hulk. The Hulk is a man Bruce Banner who transforms into the Hulk, a giant green monster, when experiencing emotional stress, specifically anger. This transformation leads to destructive rampages and makes the Hulk dangerous. The problem is he can’t control when he turns into the Hulk because he can’t control his anger. He is basically an extreme 10 reaction to a 2 situation.
She-Hulk, whose real name is Jennifer Walters, CAN control her transformation. She can choose to turn into the She-Hulk because she can control her anger. She is aware of her body and emotions, so she has a choice to be She-Hulk, and the She-Hulk is far less destructive.
As you have heard me say ad nauseum, those of us with High Functioning Anxiety have developed unhealthy coping skills to live with it, people-pleasing, procrastination, all-or-nothing thinking, being overly controlling, and over-functioning, to name a few. Taken to the extreme, they are very destructive to our loved ones and us. Years ago, when my anxiety was unchecked, I was like the Hulk—these unhealthy coping skills came out whether I wanted them or not. I couldn’t control them. But now that I am more aware of my body and emotions (like She-Hulk), I can decide when to use these coping skills.
If my anxiety is high, extreme people-pleasing can look like me trying to anticipate what my husband, Doug needs before he asks for it. This behavior, taken to the extreme, can drive both of us crazy—he feels like he is being stalked, and I am almost manic trying to give him what I think he wants.
Sometimes I finally notice I am trying to anticipate Doug’s every need. I practice A.S.K and try to stop the behavior. And sometimes, I notice the behavior, and I practice A.S.K. But rather than trying to stop the behavior, I recognize it is a safe place to smoke screen; remember that? Where you take your anxiety out on something safe. Like She-Hulk, because I had awareness, I could control it better. I toned down the behavior and channeled it into planning a random special surprise for Doug rather than anticipating his every need. I created a place to put my anxiety that wouldn’t cause Doug or myself extra stress.
Last week I had a big project due, and of course, I had a lot of anxiety. I noticed myself over-functioning; I was working later than I needed to, forcing myself to wake up early, and constantly checking email. The over-functioning was causing me more anxiety and less sleep. I practiced A.S.K. I knew that the over-functioning would be there until the project was done, but I could control it better because I had awareness. I was ok with over-functioning by getting up early and getting a head start on the day. But I set some boundaries around checking email and working later because those were both causing me too much extra anxiety.
Recognizing the nuance of our unhealthy coping skills is so important. They are coping skills, after all, so they do help. The key is recognizing when they move from helping to causing us more anxiety and stress. We must remember to channel our inner She-Hulk, practice discernment, and stay aware of our bodies and emotions. To see what I mean firsthand, you can watch the She-Hulk trailer above.