Procrastination Caused by Perfection
Welcome to Day 4 of Beliefs in Spiral 3
A local nonprofit asked me to create a curriculum for their staff as part of their new staff training. I had done speaking engagements in the past for this organization, but this was next level and such an honor. And yet even as I type this, my memory of the invitation and my response is very fuzzy. Probably because, unknowingly, my Monger and, therefore, my anxiety was going haywire in my brain. "Curriculum! That is going to live forever on their site! Everyone is going to have to do it! ON happiness!?!? Really!?!? YOU are going to teach people about happiness?!?!?!
When this happens, it feels a bit like a trance. I am present and engaged in the conversation, but it isn't sinking all the way in because, in my brain, my Monger is going crazy!
To put it mildly, my Monger was LOUD, so loud that I didn't touch the curriculum until right before the deadline. I had two months to complete the curriculum. But a week before the draft was due; I sat down with my husband. As a former teacher, I hoped he could help me organize my plans. We sat down together, but I could only work on the project for 30 minutes at a time—my Monger was just so loud, "this is going to suck! What an embarrassment!" and I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I couldn't concentrate. Finally, by some miracle, I submitted it, and it was approved—I have no idea what is in that curriculum—all I know is I submitted it.
This is high functioning anxiety in all its glory—a wonderful opportunity sends my Monger and my anxiety sky high, and in response, I procrastinate and dissociate from the project. The trance of anxiety is hard to see in ourselves. It took me years to admit that, yes, I engage in these unhelpful behaviors. My clients also struggle to see it too.
My clients report experiencing a mix of procrastination and disassociation when they have an especially anxiety-provoking task. Having to do cold calls, a project they aren't confident completing, a tough decision they must make, or a challenging conversation they need to have. The tendency to procrastinate on these projects is strong. Then inevitably, they bite us in the butt because when the project is due, we have worked ourselves up into an anxious Monger-filled mess making the project even harder to complete.
This is one of those HFA symptoms that is hard to see. It is hard to admit that we can harm our careers and personal lives by procrastinating to the point of ignoring key events or opportunities in our lives.
The key and I am sure you can repeat it with me—catching yourself as quickly as possible. If I could go back to my curriculum writing self right after they asked me to write the curriculum, I would practice A.S.K.
A. Acknowledge what you are feeling apprehensive, uncomfortable, inferior, shocked, thrilled, and glad. Notice the happy feelings came at the end because I was way more nervous and scared than excited. This is the power in naming 8-10 feelings. You can name all the feelings, even the ones you are less likely to admit that you are having. But knowing my tendency to diminish myself, I would encourage myself to take some time to celebrate and pump up those happy feelings.
S. Slow Down and Get into My Body—put on some good music—maybe Ed Sheeran Barcelona, one of my favorite dance songs, and do a dance in my office.
K. Kindly Pull Back to see the big picture. Ok, Sweet Peanut, my Biggest Fan says-_THIS IS AWESOME! What a huge compliment. I know you are scared, and the temptation is to hide and procrastinate but let's try to stay present on this one. What needs to happen to make this a reality—let's sit down and make a plan right now, so you know exactly what you need to do. I know it is going to be hard. But you have worked hard to get here—you know what you are talking about and can help people. It is ok to be scared. It is NOT ok to check out.
Notice my Biggest Fan amped up the celebration, honored my feelings, supported me in doing it differently, and brought it back to my values.
The key is having my own back and holding my feet to the fire, so my anxiety doesn't go out of control. So too, with my clients who procrastinate on phone calls, projects, or conversations, honoring their fear and making a plan to move forward, knowing that procrastination only makes everything worse.