Episode 045: Live Happier Through the Holidays Part 1
Part 1 of 6 Living Happier Through the Holidays: Setting Priorities.
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Hey, everyone, I'm so excited to be here. I will be doing something a little different for the next five episodes than I normally do in. What's going to happen is every week for the next five weeks, I'm going to be putting out a podcast on Fridays that will give you the theme for that week and some tips on how you can live happier through the holidays. This first week is setting priorities.
This week we're going to be talking about setting priorities. The reason I wanted to start with that is that we're starting the holidays. Often, we're rushing into the holidays, and they're here before we know it. I want to set some time aside to slow down and ask ourselves a couple of key questions, so if you can grab a piece of paper, that's awesome. If you're in the car, just make some mental notes of how you want your holidays to feel. It's an odd question. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions so if this question doesn't fit, you can move on to the next one, but how do you want this holiday to feel?
I had one person call me, and she said, "I want this holiday to feel magical," and I know exactly what that means. For each of us we have a different feeling. I want this holiday to be content, or I want this holiday to be peaceful; I want this holiday to be grounded. I want this holiday to be happy. I want this holiday to be memorable. Whatever, how do you want your holiday to feel is one of the first questions. Once we can figure out how we want it to feel then, we can set our priorities around that feeling. That's the first question.
The second question I'm going to ask you is, what is your absolute no list? This is asking you to get clear on what are the things you are not willing to do? For some people, it's like, "I don't want to bake cookies," or, "I don't want to go to the large neighborhood party that has 500 people at it." "I don't want to make gifts for anybody, or, "I don't want to buy gifts for people," or, "I don't want to go caroling." I don't know, whatever it is for you. We all have things that we think we should do, so this is getting to the heart of that. What is your absolute no list, and what is your absolute yes list to that same degree?
That third question is, what is your absolute yes list? What are you willing to do at all costs? What do you want to do? Maybe it's going caroling in your neighborhood or making your famous fudge bars, or doing cookie cutouts with your kids, or maybe it is the Christmas tree and decorating that or watching your favorite movies. Whatever that is, what is your absolute yes list?
Then, the last question I'm going to ask you is a little harder, what is it you need this holiday season? This is a challenging time. There are so many expectations and so much pressure on us of how we should be feeling, so we're forced to feel joyful and merry. Instead, we might be sad, we might be missing someone, we might be going through a tough time. All of that gets heightened this time of year.
What are your needs? What do you need to make this holiday special? Maybe you need more time. Maybe you need more time with your husband. Maybe you need more family time, or you need more social time. "I need a break, or I need more space," but we're craving social time. To make and bargain out our list of where we're going to set our priorities, we need to be clear on the importance of the level of the need.
Then, the last thing is not a question, but it's the plan, and that is for you to set a plan. Who do you need to chat with about your priorities for Christmas, for the holidays, for Hanukkah, for Solstice, for whatever it is you celebrate? Who do you need to chat with about your plan? Do you need to chat with your mother-in-law and figure out how Christmas Eve will go down? Do you need to chat with your mother to figure it out, or your father, brother, or sister-in-law? Who do you need to be chatting with to get it laid out and figured out?
So many times, we have all these expectations of what the holiday is, but we're not communicating with each other on what those expectations are. In making that plan, I want you to figure out who you need to sit down with. I bet in your immediate family. It needs to be your partner, husband, wife, and kids; you need to be including them. If you have grown children, are they coming home for the holidays? Are they planning on hanging out with their friends? What are their expectations? Getting some of the stuff hammered out at the beginning of the month can make the rest of the month so much better. We need to figure out these answers because the holidays are coming whether we like it or not. When we bury our heads in the sand, it increases our stress, and I'm all about reducing our stress.
The main way to do that around the holidays is to communicate. When you are clear and answered the question, how do you want this holiday to feel? You have answered your absolute no list, your absolute yes list, and what are your needs? You can then set your priorities. You can meet with those in your immediate family and figure out, "Okay, what's our plan going to be? What are our priorities? What's most important to us? What's this holiday going to look like?" Then you can branch that out to talking to your mother-in-law, your sister-in-law, or whoever it is that you need to be making plans with—talking to the neighbors, RSVPing to the events. Now you'll know what the plan is to start implementing that, which can help you reduce your stress.
Usually, I do a weekly ritual challenge. For these next five episodes, I'm not going to be doing that as much because the whole podcast is the weekly ritual challenge. I want this whole week you to be sitting down and doing an action plan for your holidays. Getting clear on what it is you want your holidays to look like and how they're going to come alive for you in a way that fits what you feel, what you need, what's most important to you.