Episode 032: Addicted to Busy
How to recognize when you have an addiction to busy and tips to get yourself on the wagon.
+ Read the Transcript
So we're going to get it kicked off with a bang with one of my favorite topics, which is addicted to busy. And the reason this is one of my favorite topics because I am in recovery; on my addiction to busy, one might debate if I'm really in recovery or if I'm simply just trying all the time. But it is something that I work very hard with is my addiction to busy.
So one of my favorite quotes is if you want to be happy, then just be, and. So yeah, I love that quote, and I believe it to the core of my being that it is the truth that, if you want to be happy, then just be present, be in the moment, be where you are, and things will show up and appear and, we can embrace the happiness that is right now.
A couple of podcasts ago, I talked about how meditation is not for everyone and confessed that I am not a big meditator. Because just being still for long periods is the last thing I want to do.
So I confess I'm a busyness addict. I know that when I get stressed, overwhelmed, or tired, I move quickly into run, run, run mode, and run, run, run road means you don't have to think, feel engaged or be you're just running from to thing to thing to thing. You run to the next item on your to-do list, and you run to the next event, you run to the next thing.
It doesn't matter what it is you're running towards as long as you are running. And I know so many people that suffer from this addiction to busy. But, unfortunately, it's become an epidemic in our society that we wear busy as a badge of honor.
And so I confess I'm a business addict in recovery, meaning I'm aware that I have this problem, and I try to put rituals into place to catch myself. And that's why, on these podcasts, I always have the weekly ritual challenge because I believe those rituals are a way to get out of the busy.
We can catch ourselves. And if we have this tendency to be pulled into busy, we can build in the rituals that put a stop in place there. So when I fall off the recovery wagon and into the temptation of busyness, those weekly rituals pull me back into the present. So here are some signs that you might be addicted to busy.
One, your emotional reaction to life is not congruent with the events of your life. So, for example, you're going through something painful, sad, or even joyous and happy, yet your affect is flat. You aren't really feeling anything. That's the beauty of busy in some ways, beauty being a tongue-in-cheek term because it keeps you flatlined. You don't have to feel anything.
Number two, you become obsessed with checking things off the to-do list. And you're often telling yourself, once I get everything done, then I can relax. Once I finish this project, or once I get the lawn mowed, I'll feel better and relax once I do everything.
And here's the shocking fact. You won't ever get everything off the to-do list. That is a number that has become my number one sign. When I start telling myself, once I finished this, I'll feel better when. You'll get the lawn mowed, or once I finish this podcast, or once I write that blog, or once I finish up with all my clients for the week, then I can relax, and then I'll feel better.
Usually, that is not the case because there is always something else to be done. Always something else to be there. The third sign you might be a busyness addict is you are always multitasking. If you're watching TV, you're on the computer. If you're talking on the phone, you're making dinner. You can't stand to do one thing at a time and just engage with that activity. So you're constantly trying to get more than one thing done.
And I do a lot of speaking on this topic of stress management and how to deal with busyness. And one of my tips is to avoid multitasking and the groans from the audience that come up from that one because we are so addicted to multitasking, and it is one way that keeps our brains and permanent busy status all the time.
And then the last one is you're obsessed with checking your phone, email, Facebook, whatever you constantly have to be checking in with the outside world. And I know for me, this is another big one that when I have to, just be constantly tuned into what's happening in the outside world, it usually means there's something on the inside I don't want to be dealing with.
And my busyness has taken over. Because the number one thing that all of those traits have in common, all of those signs that you have an issue with busyness is they pull us away from ourselves. They pull us into the busy, and we don't have to feel anything when we're in busy mode. Which sadly is the goal.
That's what we're going for. The busyness has a numbing effect on what's happening in our life. And the price that we pay for not feeling it is that we can't engage with our life. We can't show up, be present, be grateful, be intentional, be engaged in life. Basically, we can't live happier because we're always chasing something, and we're never succeeding.
It's like the laser light that I use to entertain my cat, and she's chases and cheeses and chases and never catches anything. That's what we're doing to ourselves. It's a lesson in futility. We're never getting anywhere. So what can you do to get on the recovery wagon of busyness?
The first one is to recognize your busyness signs. What activities do you engage in when you get overwhelmed? For that. I just suggested there are all my busyness activities and ones I've seen in my clients. But you may have other ones that you do that showcase your need to be busy.
That's the first tip. The second tip is to put in some natural checkpoints throughout the day. These are the weekly ritual challenges, three deep breaths at a stoplight, five minutes of downtime in the morning body scans throughout the day. And as a heads up, when you are in busyness. The last thing, the absolute last thing you will want to do, is to stop busyness mode.
So I have found it best to add the rituals throughout the day that forced me to stop. They forced me to stop because I don't voluntarily want to stop because the busyness feels good because it keeps you out of your head. The third tip is to ask friends and family to help you stay accountable and ask them to share when they feel you have entered busyness mode. That's a tough one, but it's helpful.
The fourth step I would have is once you recognize you're in busyness mode and you've maybe the natural checkpoint pointed out, or maybe you just realized it yourself. Take a second just to write down everything that's running through your brain. And if you can get specific about what you are feeling in the moment. I will write the prompt I'm angry about __, or I'm sad about _, or I'm joyful about _, and I write it out. I may not realize that I'm angry. That's why I give myself the prompts. Having those feeling prompts allows me, who isn't very aware of my feelings, to stretch and figure out, oh, this is what I'm angry about, or this is what's going on. This is why I'm stuck in busy because I'm pissed off at my husband.
And rather than dealing with that anger, I'm going to stay in busy. So the tip of once you recognize you're in busyness mode, give yourself some prompts of I am angry about and then let it rip. I am sad about let it rip and give yourself those feeling prompts so that you can start building awareness of the feelings because 99% of the time, the reason we're stuck in busyness mode is because we don't want to feel so.
And then the last tip I have is to remember this, and everything I talk about is a process. I have come very far in my recovery, and I still fall off that wagon. But each time, the fall is shorter, and my recovery period is longer and longer. As someone in recovery, I know that life is so much better when I'm not in that addiction.
I'm happier, I'm more engaged, I'm more peaceful, and I'm more present in life in Technicolor and bright. It's just so different.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: Take 3 Deep Breaths at a Stop Light Bringing out an oldie but a goodie this week. This one has changed my life taking 3 deep breathes at a stoplight has made all the difference in breaking the addiction to busy.