Episode 018: Bigger isn't Always Better
My take on New Year's Resolutions and Shiny Object Syndrome.
+ Read the Transcript
Welcome to 2016. I hope you're ready to embrace 2016, which is what the topic theme is about this week with a bigger isn't always better. And when I'm talking about that, I'm talking about new year's resolutions. I'm almost annoyed with myself that I'm doing a new year's resolutions podcast because I feel inundated with tips and tricks on new year's resolutions, which is why I wanted to do one to ease back on all the pressure.
At the beginning of the year, we feel that we need to change and do big things, and everything needs to be bigger and better. I struggled with it last week and telling my husband we need to do bigger and better things this year. We need to get out of our rut. And he was like, But I like our life.
I'm happy with where we are, which is true. I am happy with where we are. And so that's why I just wanted to offer a couple of my thoughts on resolutions and how I think we can make resolutions differently and have more success around them.
Because with every article, there is about how to set successful resolutions. There's a follow-up article on how frequently we fail at doing resolutions. How the beginning of January, the gyms are full, and the gyms are empty at the end of January. I want to encourage you to do something different, and that's the whole spirit of living happier change takes time.
Change takes intention, and change is about showing up in your life every day. So bigger isn't always better. Sometimes those small changes are where it's at. Wanting to do big things is not a terrible thing. Sometimes we want to make a significant change in our lives.
Maybe we want to move or change our jobs or get out of a relationship that isn't fulfilling us anymore. And those significant changes are necessary. And we all go through those big transitions. Even if you want to make a big change, it takes small, tiny steps. I see it so often that we get so caught up in the vision of where we want to be that we don't back it up to recognize this will take intention every day.
The most common resolution is I want to lose weight. So let's say you want to lose 50 pounds. And you think about I'm going to lose 50 pounds, and you dream about what your life will be like when you lose 50 pounds and what outfits you'll fit into and how you will do that.
You have these big ideas of eating healthy and working out and all this great stuff. And then when it gets to the nitty-gritty, the day-to-day the, I came home from work, and I've worked a 10 hour day, and I'm exhausted. And I just want to pick up a pizza on my way home. Or I didn't make it to the gym today because work got in the way or the kids are driving me crazy.
And I want a couple of pieces of chocolate to get me through. The big change of losing 50 pounds happens in the little individual small changes that we make every day. So my theme for 2016 is that maybe depth is more important than breadth.
What I mean by that is that even if your goal is to lose 50 pounds, which is an amazing, awesome goal, let's look at what I can do in my life that can help me build a deeper relationship with my body. How can I build a deeper relationship with this vessel that takes me through my life? That's where the changes happen.
So if my theme for the year is I'm going to build a deeper relationship with my body, then that means I'm going to pay attention A. I've worked a 10-hour shift, and I'm freaking exhausted. And so I haven't managed my energy all day, but B. if I am exhausted and tired, the last thing my body needs is more carbs and sugar and grease that comes in a pizza box.
What my body needs at that moment is something nutritious and healthy, and maybe a pizza will work for the family. It's an easy solution to the problem at the end of the day, so maybe I will throw a salad with my pizza because I am working on this relationship with my body.
So I think that thinking of all of your goals and re-examining them to be, how can I make some depth here? Instead of saying, I need to make these big sweeping changes. Because big sweeping changes are fantastic, but they don't always last.
If I had a dime for every life coach or counselor, or self-help guru that has sent me an email in the past two weeks telling me that I could design my perfect life, I wouldn't need to work anymore. That's the message design your perfect life in five easy steps. It drives me freaking crazy because designing your perfect life takes intention. It takes every single day. Sitting down and figuring out and making choices and being intentional.
It takes a level of depth. You have to look at your life in a deeper, more meaningful way. One of the common things I hear is I want to have a different relationship. I want a better relationship. I want bigger and greater things. And so the first thing people think of is I want to blow this all up.
I want to get divorced. I want to dump my partner. I want to find someone new and shiny. I deserve that. And sometimes, what we need is a little more depth. There, we need to look at ourselves and how we are showing up in the relationship? What are we asking for?
What do we need? Are we setting appropriate boundaries? Are we taking ourselves into every relationship we go into? So yes, have many times before I met my husband, I've dated people that did not fit me. And I was glad I got out of those relationships. So I could find someone that did fit me, which is my husband.
But yeah. I also learned a lot about myself in those relationships and how maybe I failed and didn't show up appropriately or didn't speak my needs or expected them to mind read. And by building the depth of my capacity for relationships and building my relationship muscles when my husband came along, and he was a match for me, we were able to succeed.
Even if my husband and I had met 20 years ago, I might not have picked him because I wasn't ready for that. My depth and my ability to speak up for myself and speak my needs weren't there. And so I couldn't have had the relationship that we have right now without doing all that work.
So think about where in your life you attempted to blow it all up and where you can pause and go a little deeper. Maybe it isn't always the shiny new glamorous big when I lose 50 pounds; maybe it is today at this moment when I'm feeling worn out and exhausted; what could I do to take care of myself? To take care of my body in this amazing, beautiful vessel that I'm railing against all the time because I want to lose 50 pounds, but if I start taking myself care of myself now at this moment, those 50 pounds will come off. Because in self-care, every single day, we're taking care of ourselves and giving back. It's about making intentional change.
Yes, we can design our own lives, and we can make amazing beautiful lives. And that takes work. It's not five easy steps. It's five challenging steps of showing up every day with intention with self-care with compassion, empathy, a desire to be different, and depth in our lives.
So that's my tidbit on resolutions and my contribution to the voices out there that are talking about resolutions that bigger isn't always better. And sometimes, it is more about depth and more about looking at ourselves. And as you can tell, I have a lot to say on this topic because it gets me fired up.
Because I know in my own life, when I started being more intentional, when I started embracing the depth and looking at things from a deeper, more intentional perspective, my life got happier. It was more exciting and rich. I wasn't blaming everyone. I wasn't stuck in drama. I was responsible for my own life, and I'm making daily changes to make that as powerful and as passionate as possible.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: Stop Multi-tasking
Multi-tasking causes your brain to go into hyperdrive, you get less done and you are less focused. When you concentrate on one thing at a time A. you get more done in less time and B. you are more relaxed. I
We have lots of easy ways to be present and do mini-meditations throughout the day.
Pumping gas? Just pump gas (don't check your phone)Brushing your teeth? Brush your teeth (don't walk around picking up dirty laundry)Blow drying your hair? Just blow dry it. (don't clean the bathroom while you do it)Standing in line. Just be there.
My challenge to you:Catch yourself multi-tasking.Pick one task and be fully present for that one task.