Episode 008: Reducing Stress and Enhancing Energy
Reducing Stress and Enhancing Energy is the most popular topic for my speaking engagements. The problem is we know how to reduce stress. We just don't do it. In this podcast, I look at, why that is the case and what we can do about it.
+ Read the Transcript
Welcome to this podcast, where I share my stories and lessons I've learned and continue to learn on my quest to live happier.
So first off, I have to apologize. My voice is a little funky. I'm getting over a cold, and it just keeps hanging on. It's not making me any happier, but I'm recording anyway and powering through.
If I sound a little stuffy, that would be why. So today, we're gonna talk about reducing stress and enhancing energy. And one of the main reasons I wanted to talk about it is because it's by far the most popular topic for any of my speaking engagements. So if I get called to do a speaking gig, it's usually around this topic and the issue I have with this topic, and I love this topic, but the issue I have with it is that We know how to reduce stress.
We know how to relax. We know what we need to be doing. We're just not doing that. So in this podcast, I want to look at why that is the case and what we can do about it. The concept of self-care is not a new one. Watch the today show any morning, and they have something on self-care. Watch Oprah, pick up a magazine everywhere we look; there are tips for us on how we can reduce stress, we know to breathe.
We know when you eat, we know we need to exercise. We know we need to sleep, but we're not doing that. And so it's not so much a lack of knowledge. It's really a lack of implementation. And so then when there's a lack of implementation, you really gotta look at why what's underneath that what's really going on.
And so we all know. But the glorification of busy the glorification of busy is pervasive in this society. So we gain status from less sleep. The longer to lists, the busier that our lives are you. It's counter-cultural to value peace and space in our time. Facebook is filled with posts about memes, about valuing peace and space.
And we all want that. And we all think it's great, but none of us are really doing it. And there's really a commonplace that we feel shame and guilt around when we're not busy. There's a competition around how little sleep I got six hours. I only had to do it in four. Or how long were you were at work or how How late we stayed up or how little we've eaten or any of that stuff.
The glorification of busy really is a challenge to us in the idea of reducing stress and enhancing energy because it is hard to go against the culture to say "no" to say, "I don't want to do that," to say "I'm gonna take some time for myself." So for me, I know that just the proactive approach doesn't really help in reducing stress.
I'm not real great at Taking care of myself proactively, but I am much better at being reactive to my stress than I used to be. I'm much better about paying attention to when I'm stressed and then working in some stress-reducing behaviors. And as I've done that more and more in my life, stress becomes less and less because I can nip it in the bud.
So much faster. So there are three things that I really pay attention to. One is, and I'm gonna talk about each of these in a little more detail, but one is, what are my stress behaviors? The second is what are my messages around stress? And the last one is what are my stress triggers? So what are the things that cause me stress?
And I have a great handout on stress triggers, but let's go back to what are your stress behaviors? If you start paying attention to what are the things you do when you're stressed? Once you start noticing, these are the things I do when I'm stressed; then you can start implementing a stress-reducing activity, which, as I said, we already know eating right sleeping, going on a walk doing meditation or mindfulness activity breathing.
We know what we need to do just in stress. And one of the ways. To implement that is to be more reactive around our stress behaviors. So stress behaviors can be numbing with food, alcohol, work, TV, shopping, stress behavior can be to go, go, go. That is my favorite stress behavior. So the more stressed I am, the more, the harder I push myself, which is really counterintuitive.
And I know a lot of especially women, have that mentality of I'm just going to keep pushing so I can keep getting a lot accomplished. And so we pushed down what it is we're stressed about, and we just go. Even when we're exhausted, that's a stress behavior. When we have physical headaches, stomach aches, chest backaches, those are all stress behaviors.
So the minute I notice since mine is go, go, go that I am pushing myself. I now know to ask myself, Whoa, what's going on. You're a little overwhelmed. Let's back that up a little bit. And do some deep breathing or let's back that up for a little bit and do some stretches or let's back that up a little bit and go for a walk.
When I noticed that I'm numbing out to the TV and playing on my iPad at the same time, I might be like, okay, let's put that down and pick up a book or let's do some journaling and pay attention to what's really going on here. So noticing your stress behaviors and then being able to work it backward into a stress reduce reducing activity is a great way to enhance energy.
Another one. That's a big one for a lot of us. So one of our messages around stress. For a lot of people, the reason we're not reducing stress is because stress is a pride point. So one of our attitudes around stress is life is stressful. You just have to get through, or this is how it's supposed to be, or grit and Barrett or better to be busy than not.
Or one of the worst is I get more done. The more stressed I am. So if you have those messages around stress, it's really important to notice. When those start getting triggered. Cause they usually get triggered. The more stressed we are. So we convince ourselves that it's not okay to take a break. It's not okay to stop because life is stressful, and you just have to get through, or it's better to be busy than not.
Or we get more done, the more stressed we are. And so the more we push on those messages, the more stressed we get. So it's really important to notice how you feel when you're engaging in self-care or when you're practicing mindfulness. What are those messages that come up that, that tell you, keep pushing those messages around stress can be really detrimental to reducing stress?
So when you notice those messages, that's the time to be reactive and put in a stress-reducing activity. And then the last one of the three is, what are your stress triggers and what are the behaviors, the tasks, events that cause you the most stress. And I actually have a great worksheet that I will attach to the website.
live-happier.com backslash podcast that talks about these stress triggers and really helps you get a handle on it because I believe the number one way to deal with stress. And the theme of all of this is to be intentional. And when you're intentional about how you spend your time, what your priorities are what's most important to you.
You can plan your day better and manage that stress a little better. So this inventory exercise that I have. I call it how full is your glass? And if you think of your life, energy, like water in a glass, you can, and as you go through the day, you have things that totally deplete your glass that leave you feeling less energized and miserable.
And you have things that fill your glass up. And throughout the day, you have those things they're doing that are filling you up and those things that are depleting you. And then there's a middle category that I think is really important. And that category is the things that don't really change the energy level of your glass very much, but they just leave you feeling peaceful and calm.
This is like your spouse or your partner or your best friend, someone who's there for you. You're there for them. And they don't really ever take too much or give too much. It just evens out the level. And so it's nice to have those people that we can just be around, and we don't have to worry about giving, or we don't have to worry about getting, we're just being. So this inventory is really awesome on two levels.
It's awesome on a macro level because it helps you look at the big picture of your life. And a lot of times, when my clients do this exercise, they recognize how much of their lives is being depleted energetically. And so they're engaging in a lot of what I call obligation tasks, and obligation tasks are those that We do out of obligation, and we don't have to do them.
There are definitely things we all have to do, but there are some things that we tell ourselves that we should do that really, we don't have to be doing them. And so to make, be asking which of these obligation tasks can I get rid of which of these tasks? And I give someone else to do, which of these obligation tasks are just tests that I'm telling myself are important, and they're really not.
So getting a handle on the big picture of your life and then on a micro level, getting a handle on the day-to-day. So what activities can you add to your day that will fill your glass up again? And how can you be more mindful of your glass throughout the day? So when you look at the day, when I have a day that I know is going to be particularly draining all day, then I make sure at the end of the day I add in something that's going to fill me back up.
So I make sure I have, at the end of a crappy day, I might make sure I have a date night planned with my husband or at the end of the crappy day. I know there's a TV show that I'm going to look forward to watching or at the end of a crappy day. I know At the end of a draining day, in particular, I know that I'm going to have a good book that I'm going to be reading, something that is treating myself kindly.
That's going to help bring that stress level back down and enhance my energy. I think that's key is asking yourself throughout the day, how full is my glass light? Right now, where is my energy level? It really can help you reduce stress and enhance energy. So, in summary, when it comes to reducing stress and enhancing energy, I think it's really important to remind yourself that you know how to reduce stress and enhance energy.
You know what to do to be more in control of your life. It's about being reactive to when you're feeling stressed and implementing some stress, reducing behaviors—so paying attention to those triggers and those behaviors and your attitudes about stress and where your glorification of busy is falling into play.
And it's also about paying attention to, how full is your glass? It's where your intentions are and your priorities, and what's your energy level going to be for the day. And how can you add in some stuff to make your energy better, to make your stress less? That's what it's all about—being intentional about your day, your stress level.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: Setting an intention for the day.
So at some point, before you get too crazy with your day, take three deep breaths and set an intention for the day. You can do this before you get out of bed each morning; before you get out of your car to walk into work; as you pour your morning coffee. I don't care when as long as you're clear and setting an intention.
Sticky notes are really going to be helpful for this one. Whether you need one to remind you to set an intention or to remind you what the intention is. Some of the intentions, examples can be compassion or kindness or breathe, move towards peace, speak up for myself, show up and be brave or be vulnerable.