Why I Hate the Phrase Champagne Problems
Recently my friends have been using the phrase "Champagne Problems" when they chat about the stresses and issues in their lives. According to Urban Dictionary, Champagne Problems means: "Problems, when compared to issues of poverty, natural disasters, and war, are not that big of a deal."
The more I hear this phrase, the more I have an issue with it. On the one hand, I think it is important to recognize that deciding between a job with a higher salary or staying home with the kids is not as drastic as deciding where you will sleep that night after a tornado has obliterated your house. I realize that stressing about getting your to-do list done is not as dire as stressing about your child in the ICU for the 5th time because of a rare cancer diagnosis. So yes, it is good to have perspective and realize that we need to be grateful for our lives, which could be worse. The phrase "champagne problems" allows people to minimize, belittle and basically not deal with their genuine issues.
Let's take Lisa (not a real person). She feels unappreciated in her home, her kids are in school, and she wants more from her life. Recently she and her husband have been arguing moreover 'who does more' and her feeling unappreciated. It appears to be a champagne problem. No one will die today because of it, food is still on the table, and the kids are clothed. So when she takes the risk to share this with a friend, she minimizes it by saying, "it's just a champagne problem" her friend, who might feel similarly in her marriage, laughs and agrees that they have it pretty good. They both go on their way, repeating that their feelings are silly and they are privileged snobs. They just need to get some perspective and be grateful, and all will be well!
Meanwhile, Lisa heads home still feeling unappreciated and lost, but now she tries even harder to push that problem down and hide it under gratitude. The fights continue, and pretty soon, the fighting has chipped away at the foundation of her marriage and herself to the point that she is more lost and more confused. Over time, left unexplored, the so-called champagne problem has turned into a messy divorce and working at a job she hates so she can help support two households.
If we could REPLAY that scenario and have Lisa's friend say:
"It might be a champagne problem, and we are fortunate, but it sucks to be feeling unappreciated and fighting with your husband all the time. My husband and I have been fighting a lot as well, about similar things". "Maybe we should figure out a way to fix this in a real way."
Champagne problems, when ignored and belittled, can become very BIG problems. Champagne problems are not to be ignored. Yes, many of us are privileged. Many of us have pretty good lives, and we still have problems around anxiety, identity, inner critic, what comes next, parenting, career, and relationships. These problems aren't stupid or silly. They are REAL issues that affect our lives in REAL ways every day.
The phrase Champagne Problems reminds us to be grateful for what we DO have. But by being grateful and appreciative, that doesn't mean we don't have problems. It doesn't mean we can't speak up and share our needs, issues, and desires. I believe that this world would be such an amazing place if we all could honestly and openly admit where we are in life, what we are grateful for, and what we are struggling with and work to appreciate and change at the same time.