The Myth of Living Happier
If I had a dollar for the number of times I have a client or a friend, or yes, even myself says, "I shouldn't be feeling this way. I SHOULD be living happier." I could be a rich woman. I call this the Myth of Living Happier: “If am living happier than I won't feel any pain, doubt, or insecurity. I will process loss and tragedy at superhuman speed, and I will always feel blissful and light.”
Pardon my language, but I am here to call bullshit on this myth. Let's blow it up and toss it to the wind. Let's destroy this unattainable concept of happiness and being happier.
One of my foundational beliefs in Living Happier is that you have to experience the yuck. As the expression goes, shit happens, relationships break up, parents get sick, fatal car accidents occur, and jobs are lost. Grief is something we all experience, and more importantly, it isn't something that we experience easily or well. Grief is HARD. It rips your insides out and makes you cry to the depth of your being. Unfortunately, it is not something one thinks of when talking about Living Happier.
The other day I was talking to a friend and who was lamenting the loss of her parent. Her mother had died a couple of years ago, and every year around the anniversary of her death, she can feel the grief overwhelm her. "I SHOULD be done with this grief" "I am supposed to be Living Happier, right?". I lovingly reminded her that it is perfectly normal to feel the loss of her mother. It was, after all, HER MOTHER, a woman she had known and loved her entire life. So hell yes, she will grieve the loss of one of the most important people in her life!!!
Living Happier doesn't mean living in denial or living a delusion. Living Happier isn't pasting a smile on your face no matter what. It isn't ignoring your feelings.
Living Happier means allowing yourself to have a bad day to give yourself grace around pain, sadness, and grief. Living Happier means you can give yourself the radical acceptance necessary to move through the inevitable emotions that come up as we move through the peaks and valleys of life.
Basically, to Live Happier, you have to LIVE. Live fully engaged, intentional and aware. If we ignore, shame, or belittle our grief and pain, we are not Living, and we are not Living Happier.
To live happier doesn't mean you will constantly feel HAPPY or blissful. The quest to Live Happier is just that a quest. A quest to give ourselves room to feel all of life, both the joy and the pain. A quest of knowing that in 24 hours, we can cry our eyes out and laugh until our stomachs hurt. When we are truly Living Happier, we get to experience and show up for all of life.
I ask you to join me in ridding this world of the Myth of Living Happier.