The Ever-Present Monger
This week I received an email with some good news, an opportunity that is huge for me and my work (more details to come). My first reaction was to celebrate. I shared the details with my close friends and spent some time grinning from ear to ear. I was surprised my Monger didn’t show up to dampen the party, but sure enough, she made an appearance. Later as my husband and I settled into our evening routine, my Monger started in. She started analyzing every interaction I had surrounding this opportunity, and by the time she was done, I was thinking this isn’t going to happen. I must have misread the email because I wouldn’t get this opportunity it wouldn’t happen to me. My hands started sweating, and I could feel my heart racing as I kept saying to myself, you are so stupid to think this is actually going to happen; there is NO WAY.
And then, by some miracle, I realized what was happening. My Monger had gone into hyper-protective mode. There are three rules of the Monger don’t make a mistake, don’t stand out, and don’t be too vulnerable, and I was about to break all 3. And she was FREAKING out.
I said to myself, “Yep, this is totally scary. Fun and scary. And we can do this no need to get freaked out. No need to panic. We can handle this.” I tuned into my senses doing the 5 senses meditation, and I was able to calm myself down.
I have repeated that many times over the past few days. When I hear my Monger freaking out, I can bring myself back to reality.
But here are a few caveats I want to share.
The Monger isn’t the enemy. She wants to keep us safe, but her method of doing so is damaging. When I start to demonize her or dismiss her, she only gets louder and more manipulative. When I acknowledge her, she quiets down faster. Sometimes that acknowledgment looks like what I shared above, and sometimes that acknowledgment is simply I hear you, and you are wrong; please step aside.
I am not always that successful in immediately catching my Monger and quieting her down. I have definitely improved over the years that I have been doing this work. There are still times when my Monger drones on much longer than I want her to. One of my pet peeves is when people make it sound like this process is just a 1-2-3 idea, and you too, can be healed. Acknowledging your Monger, practicing some form of A.S.K. does help, and sometimes I can do that immediately as I just shared, sometimes I don’t notice her, and she runs the show longer than I want her to, and sometimes I just let her win because I am too tired to deal with it.
I share that because I want you to know, dear reader, that this process isn’t linear. This process isn’t about fixing yourself once and for all. This process is about loyalty, building a relationship with yourself, and all the messy parts of yourself.