The Answer is not in the Top 5 Lists
This week my Monger and anxiety got the best of me. One of my go-to coping mechanisms is reading as much as I can about happiness and reducing stress. I read all the articles: 5 Ways to Reduce Stress or the Top 10 Ways to Gain Happiness. Inevitably I am disappointed because I am reminded that the answer is not OUT there. It is internal. I see it in my clients as well. They see me looking for the answer as if it is something external from them. Then I remind them, it is all right there. Slow down, breathe, and have some self-compassion. And they realize yes, they know what to do.
We KNOW what to do. We all KNOW what to do. We can read the 5 Steps to Happiness and the 10 Ways to Reduce Stress articles until we are blue in the face. And yet, at the end of the day, we are one of the most stressed-out societies on the planet. We reach for pills, distractions, and ways to numb rather than implementing the 5 step articles.
I have been questioning this pattern for many months now. And after questioning and observing myself and others, I have found three main themes and these themes center around the need for love, compassion, and empathy.
We want an instant fix.
We don't want to be uncomfortable.
We do it alone.
We want an instant fix. This stuff IS hard. Implementing change, going against the mainstream of push, push, push is very challenging. Even though we all know there is no such thing as an instant fix, we desperately want one (I know I would love to take my five deep breathes and poof have all my stress disappear). It takes patience. It takes persistence. It takes showing up each day and doing the best we can with what we have. Being loving with ourselves and others and circling back when we messed up is paramount.
Pain, Sadness, Depression suck, AND they are a HUGE part of life. They are where the best lessons are lurking. That is where we experience the yin to the yang of life. Without pain, we wouldn't question, improve, search and look for love. They are HARD, and when we are inundated with 5 Steps to Happiness or 10 Ways to Experience Joy, we feel even crappier that we are feeling pain, sadness, and depression. Uncomfortable is part of life. And when we can embrace our uncomfortableness. When we can smother it with empathy and self-compassion, when we can welcome sadness and pain as a very real part of love, risk, and relationships, all of which lead to a full life, we embrace living happier.
We need other people. By far, this is one of the most important lessons I have learned in my life. Doing it alone is one of the main reasons we are so stressed, tired, and exhausted. We need to share our fears, concerns, doubts with other people. We need to build strong, healthy relationships. We need to show up for other people and make time for authentic connections. Again back to empathy, compassion, and love. When I started sharing my fears, expressing my doubts, and opening up about my sadness to the safe people in my life, my stress decreased, my anxiety lessened, and I felt stronger. Having a community is KEY and, it has gotten lost in the shuffle of success, money, and power.
Many things go into reducing stress and living happier. Each of us has our own journeys in life. And I know the more I relax into the journey, embrace the uncomfortable and reach out to my community, the happier I am.