Pressure Cooker Syndrome

I remember as a child when my mom would be canning green beans or tomatoes. And the pressure cooker she would use had this silver lid on it. As the pot would boil and the pressure would get too much, the steam would escape through this valve and would eventually cause the valve to whistle and dance on the pot.

Some of us struggle with this same phenomenon—something I call Pressure Cooker Syndrome. We try so hard to keep our lids on. Stay in control; keep it all together and do everything right. So from the outside, our lives look perfect, solid, sturdy, and well put together. But on the inside, our lives are full of pressure, steam, and anxiety.

When we live our lives in a pressure cooker, our lives become all or nothing.

Black and White.

Right and Wrong.

We lose perspective.

We lose ourselves.

I tend to go into pressure cooker mode--it is one of my stress modes and something I have to be aware of. When I enter pressure cooker mode, I find myself looking for quick fixes and reaching for external ideas to ease the pressure (e.g., food, wine, mindless video games) ANYTHING to numb out and ease the pressure. But these external modes only provide limited temporary relief.

Real relief from the pressure only comes when I admit to myself I can't keep it all together, I can't do everything, and in fact, I am pretty miserable. Sometimes I can catch myself in this mode after one day. Sometimes, it takes two weeks or more.

But I know my signs:

• Numbing out

• Constantly looking for something 'fun' to do. But either not taking the time to do it or when I do it, I am so worried about doing it right it isn't fun.

• Having if-I-get-this-then-I-will-be-happy thoughts.

• Being overly to-do list-focused.

Ways to Relieve the Pressure:

• Admit to myself, I can't do it all.

• Be kind to myself and give myself compassion

• Share what I am feeling with someone safe.

• Do something nourishing--take a walk, take the afternoon off, say NO to something I don't want to do.

• Re-visit my values and remove the stuff that is on my list that doesn't serve my values