Kicking your Inner Critic to the Curb
Monger is my name for the inner critic, the negative voice in your head that tells you how awful you are and how much you basically suck. When we develop a conscious practice of healing our inner critics, we can radically change our lives.
The challenge of Monger is that we get comfortable with her. We get so comfortable we don't even know that she is talking. We don't even realize that slowly, over time, she is chipping away at our self-esteem. We assume that voice is our own, and we swallow it hook line and sinker. Therefore the challenge to dealing with the Monger is to separate her voice from your wise voice. What is the wise voice, you ask? I believe we all have a wise voice, a soft, gentle whisper of a thing that is patiently and quietly telling us how gifted and talented we are—unfortunately, the louder, more persistent Monger voice tones this voice out. But when you get quiet and listen, you can hear that calm loving voice saying, "you got this, you are doing fine; keep going."
I wanted to share a personal story from my recent post about how my Monger came out to play and how I dealt with her. As you know, recently I had surgery. My body image has never been stellar, but being inactive and feeling not 100%, my body image has taken a beating in recovery mode. If I wasn't going anywhere, I had a tough time getting out of 'my uniform' of yoga pants and a t-shirt. There is nothing wrong with yoga pants, but when they become a symbol of how much you hate your body, it is an issue.
Once I realized that I was entering this downward spiral of body image hell, I started paying attention to what I was saying to myself, and wow, it was cruel. Then I started listening to what that voice sounded like, looked like, and over time I completely personified her. I called her Joan. Joan wears a tracksuit, she is very fit and skinny, and she only values fit and skinny. Joan doesn't tolerate being overweight; no matter the excuse, Joan thinks it is weak and pathetic and isn't afraid to use some pretty nasty tactics to get that message across. Over the next few days, I started noticing how often Joan was there. Let me tell you, Joan was there A LOT in the bathroom after my shower, as I was getting ready for bed, anytime I changed my clothes or looked for something to wear. Joan was just chatting away about how awful I looked and how lazy I was (I told you, Joan is pretty nasty)
Over time I noticed when Joan would show up, and I would quietly tell her to step aside. I would put my hands over my heart and ask to hear from my Biggest Fan. I would patiently listen for my wise voice to say, "you are beautiful, just as you are." Sometimes I had to stand there for 5 minutes, sometimes for 30 seconds, but inevitably the more I asked Joan to step aside, the more my Biggest Fan stepped forward. After practicing this for the past few weeks, Joan's voice has become smaller and smaller. And I have gotten better at recognizing her. So now, when she pipes up, I know what to do.
Putting a face on your Monger and giving them an identity outside of yourself will radically minimize your inner critics.