Don't Speak to Me Like That

Imagine this scenario.

You are headed to lunch with friends. As you walk into the restaurant, the hostess says to you, "Nice dress...what made you think pink was a good color on you."

You find your friends, and you give them all a quick hug. As she is pulling away, your friend Sandy says, "Have you gained some weight? You felt a little soft around the middle".

You take your seat to look through the menu. Everyone is discussing whether to have a glass of wine or not and as you speak up, that wine sounds good. Melissa looks at you and says, "REALLY!?! You need those extra calories, drinking in the middle of the day. That is pretty pathetic."

You tell the waitress that you would like a Reuben and a glass of red, and she says, "WHAT?!?!...do you know how fatty a Reuben is...I think a salad would be a better choice!"

After lunch, everyone is enjoying their drinks and discussing the latest events around town. You chime in about a project you are excited about at work, and Mandy chimes in, "Well, who do you think you are?!, Must think you are pretty special if you think you can successfully handle that event."

As you make your way home, you accidentally pull out in front of another car. At the next light, they pull up next to you and scream, "Idiot...where did you get your license?!?!".

Can you imagine??? Can you imagine if everyone in your life talked to you this way? I doubt you would be this calm. I doubt you would just take it. You would be angry, disappointed, sad. You would react with a quick come back or at the very least a "be quiet, mind your own business."

But for many of us, these are the comments that go on in our heads all day long. No one is verbally saying them out loud, but we hear them day in and day out all day long. Our Monger is silently speaking them to ourselves.

Imagine if you had a person following you around verbalizing what your Monger repeats all day long in your head. You would be annoyed, infuriated, and astounded. The only difference is that our Monger's voice isn't heard by anyone else but ourselves. And so, they become a buzzing sound of negativity—a constant hammering of ourselves.

We associate our Monger's voice with the truth when it is our Biggest Fan that truly speaks the truth. The calm, loving voice of reason. When we can start recognizing that the negative voice inside our head is not the Biggest Fan, we can start shifting.

I have found the best way to rid ourselves of the Monger that plague us is to personify her and give her an identity separate from us.

Through drawing, coloring, painting, or creating a collage, you can personify these two parts of yourself. So you have a visual of what your Monger looks like, and whenever you hear that yippy voice, you can visualize them outside of your head and lovingly ask them to leave the room. You can also visualize your Biggest Fan and all its wisdom.

Unfortunately, the Monger will always exist. We are hard-wired to be critical of ourselves. BUT through actively engaging her, personifying her, and lovingly showing them the door, we can decrease their intensity and frequency.