Listen, Learn and Make Corrections

Welcome back to Day 1 of the Theme Self Loyalty. Wait, isn't this whole program on the theme of Self Loyalty. Yes but up until this point, we have been exploring self loyalty in relation to the other themes (Beliefs, Feelings, Body). And now Self Loyalty will have its own two-week theme in each spiral of Self Loyalty School. This theme is our last before we head to spiral two and repeat all the themes on a deeper, more nuanced level.  

So why does Self Loyalty have its own theme in Self Loyalty School? Because it is challenging and unfamiliar.

The two top questions that I get about Self Loyalty are: 1 How do I get it? 2. What does it sound like?

Self-loyalty isn't something you get, like a haircut; it is something you cultivate, like stronger biceps. It is an ongoing process. And it sounds like something you probably haven’t heard much–it is unfamiliar and this is what we are going to be talking about over the next 2 weeks. 

It bears repeating loyalty is so important because at the root of high functioning anxiety is the belief that we are broken and unworthy. So when we feel anxiety, we want to run away from ourselves as quickly as possible in the hopes of feeling better. We look outside ourselves to gurus, family, culture, friends, and other resources to know the right way to move forward. This constant turning away from ourselves to look for the answer perpetuates the message that we can't trust ourselves.

As I have said before, I love the term self-loyalty because most of my clients rank loyalty as a top value; loyalty to their mothers, fathers, spouse, kids, friends, work, and the world in general.

They are the backbone of their families, relationships, and workplaces.

They ooze loyalty to everyone around them. They are strong, quiet, kind, get-the-job-done individuals.

The dark side of this devotion to others is the exhaustion, the never-ending to-do list, the never feeling good enough, whole enough, satisfied enough—and, of course, the anxiety.

This anxiety can bring paralysis due to the fear of doing it wrong.

A motto I have found to be helpful, and I repeat to myself almost daily when my Monger is loud: listen, learn, make corrections. 

That is what self-loyalty is all about. Listen. Learn. Make Corrections. 

Listen. Learn and Make Corrections is how we learn, and it is a reminder to me of self-loyalty. Because self-loyalty is about having discernment—as I talked about during our first week day 3 when I first defined self loyalty with the old monk in the story carrying the woman across the stream, he practiced discernment and decided to break his vows to help the woman. AND the younger monk learned that he needed to listen, learn and make corrections when it came to his self-loyalty and ability to discern what was best for him. 

Now I want to share a story with you where I was able to listen, learn and make corrections.  

When I created Self Loyalty School, I tried to develop a smooth, easy way to write and record its daily lessons. Well, the first thing I needed to remember is that writing and smooth and easy don't go together. Ha! But allowing time for that messy process when I also had a deadline caused me some anxiety. 

My first response was to hunt for a cure—a productivity schedule, timer, or app that would heal my procrastination tendency, my inconsistent schedule that jumped from packed to wide open, and my messy writing process. So I am sure you are not surprised—that there wasn't a productivity schedule, timer, or app to heal me. But here is the victory. I didn't spend DAYS researching a writing productivity cure. I only spent a few hours. And I didn't spend another day setting up the productivity cure. I didn't spend any time at all. Because I listened, learned, and made corrections. 

This was not a new problem—I have been trying to find the perfect productivity hack for years. So I know my productivity issues. If I listen to myself, I can come up with two big ones—procrastination and not embracing the messy writing process. This leads me to vacillate wildly between the Monger beating me up for being too messy and my BFF telling me I have done enough to deserve a break. 

But it isn't just about looking at my challenges; it is also listening and learning from my strengths. And my strengths are that I love writing, and I am good at it. When I get in the zone, I can write for hours. However, I don't enjoy writing when I am cramming it all in to meet the deadline because I have procrastinated too much. 

I did start down the rabbit hole of trying to find a new productivity hack—but the win is I caught myself! I said, "OK, sweetie, we have been here. We know all these tools because we have looked at them before. This is what you do. It is your go-to response. But what if the answer isn't another hack? What if it is having self loyalty for yourself and your messy process."

 Whoa, OK, I am on to something. I knew this was key—embracing the messy writing process without letting my love of procrastination push me too close to the deadline. 

So I sat down and made a plan—creating false deadlines for my deadline-loving self. Rather than fighting my inevitable procrastination, I built in time for both procrastination and my messy writing process. I felt good about the new writing plan. It was unlike anything else I had done before. 

I didn't go down the rabbit hole too far—I closed the gap. 

I decided on a new plan which is true to me. 

Check and check. 

Once I made the plan, if I was not loyal to myself, I would blow up the plan in a few days and would be destined to repeat the whole process one more time. 

So this time, I did two things differently.

1. I listen, learned, and made corrections. As I implemented the plan, I built in time to change it up as I listened more. It was not a done set in stone process—it was fluid. It was open to adjustment and change as I used it more and more. 

2. I reminded myself that change is hard. And being my own teammate is the key. Being adversarial won't increase my productivity or make me a better writer, actually it makes it way worse. 

Without self loyalty,  the mottos is: react, get anxious, shut down.

As we grow self-loyalty, listen, learn, make corrections becomes easier. 

AND if you have ANY questions about the content—send me an email at questions@selfloyaltyschool.com or head over to the website, sign in to the student portal and fill out the Q&A form. Ask Nancy Jane, and I will answer them in the next Q&A session. Q&A sessions will be recorded and appear on the Ask Nancy Jane podcast feed and in the member area on the last Tuesday of every month.