Episode 021: Is Just Being You Enough?
What if you don't need to change or get better? What if just being you is enough?
+ Read the Transcript
Welcome to the show! Today. I had this great plan of talking about creating change and the three-step process I had for creating change. I might do that show a little later, but as I was reading it and getting ready to record it, I stopped. And I thought I don't want to talk about that today. I don't want to talk about creating change and what we need to do differently and on and on and on. I feel everything I read and everything out there is basically saying, you're not enough. You need to be different. You need to change. And recently, I've done a lot of researching and looking at what works when it comes to change. And I know with my clients and myself, a lot of the stuff that we're pushing, pushing, pushing so hard to be different than if we get someplace else, we'll be better, feel better, and we'll have less anxiety and be less stressed just as long as we just keep working to grow and change and be better.
And that is the spirit of my business live happier and constantly trying to get better, to live happier. And when I stop, and I pause, and I think about what's my definition of live happier. I think about the sign that sits in my office. That is my favorite definition of peace. And it says peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all these things and be calm in your heart. And that is what I think living happier is about, being able to just handle what life comes and just being there and being enough. So regardless of where you are in this live happier process, the goal is about living happier and remembering that you're enough. You've been given wonderful, unique gifts that add value to the world. And your job is to express those in the most loving, joyous manner. That's it.
We keep growing and learning, but no matter where we are in the process, no matter how much wisdom, knowledge, money, success we have, we're enough because this is it. There is enough here, and I'm grateful for all of it. I am grateful for all the blessings I have and all the insecurities, the drive to succeed, the procrastination, the doubt, the insights, the need to clarify constantly. All of that is what makes the unique, nuanced eccentric me. So would my life be a little easier if I didn't feel the need to clarify everything? If I didn't have so many insecurities? If procrastination wasn't a plague upon my work life? Yeah, I might be a little happier. I might feel better, but that's all who I am. I'm this work in progress.
We push so hard to be better and different and healthier and happier. And really, this is life. This is it. So for today, to stop trying to be a better you or gain more stuff or get more insight, today just be you and pay attention to you. What are the unique things that make you, you, and how can you use that to recognize that you're enough. When we can start being truthful about ourselves, we can start being passionate about our truth. Then we stop running. We stopped running so hard from all those things. We're afraid to see the insecurities and the stuff we consider yucky. That stuff is a part of us. And when we turn our backs to it, and when we think I'm just going to think positive about my life, I'm just going to change my story, so that doesn't affect me anymore. We're missing out on a big part of who we are. If there's one thing that I hope that I can teach people and that I can learn myself and continue to learn, we're enough right now where we are.
Our anxiety-filled insecurity-filled stress level, high phone addicted people we're enough. And we just need to keep working on accepting that. When we can accept ourselves for being enough, that doesn't mean we can't change or grow, but that the change in the growth comes much easier when we're accepting it than when we're running from it.
Earlier this week, I heard this wonderful, metaphor or analogy for what I'm talking about. And it was from the psychologist, Steven Hayes. And he talks about those. You remember those Chinese finger traps that were stretchy, and you stick your fingers on either side. We used to call them Chinese handcuffs. They're actually not Chinese at all. When you stick your fingers in them, they get stuck. And the more you try to pull them out, the harder it gets. And that's kind of the analogy of the more we run from ourselves. And the more we run from who we are, the more trapped and stuck we get. And when you can relax your fingers in the Chinese handcuffs when you can relax them and, and push in, then they release and, and you're free. When we can relax and kind of push into ourselves and say, I'm enough, then we can relax a little bit. That acceptance is a key part of change. That is one of my steps. If I was going to do the three steps to change podcast is acceptance. Because if we don't have acceptance for how we are right now and where we are right now, and that we are enough, we can't make any change.
We can't keep running and make change. If there's one thing I would love to change about our industry, ironically, it is the message that you are broken, and there is something wrong with you. And that I'm here to fix you. And I'm telling you, I'm not here to fix you. You're not broken; you're enough. We're all enough. What I am here to do is to help you tap into that acceptance and help you figure out "how can I stop running and tap into the acceptance of myself" because that's where real change happens. That's the end of my rant on, are you enough and acceptance. And I hope that you can gain something from pausing and visualizing those Chinese handcuffs. Ever since I've read that analogy, I've been thinking about that repeatedly and thinking how often in my life I have polled and railed against myself. And when I've paused and taken some time, it's made all the difference—wishing you a great acceptance of yourself today.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: 4-7-8 Breathing Exercise
This breathing exercise is an awesome relaxation technique and something easy you can do at your desk or in the car...whenever you notice yourself getting stressed.
*Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
*Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
*Hold your breath for a count of seven.
*Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
*This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.
Grab your calendar and make a commitment to yourself. Schedule time to do something you love: read, exercise, watch your favorite show, take a walk, dance. I don't care what you do or how long you do it for but I DO care that you take the time to commit to yourself and honor that commitment.