The Many Ways to Slow Down and Get Into Your Body
Ironically, the #1 way to calm anxiety is to slow down and get into our bodies. And yet it is the last thing people with High Functioning Anxiety want to do. We suffer better than others, are superhuman, and always need to justify our pain or fatigue. These messages keep people with High Functioning Anxiety from attuning to our bodies. Society has supported and fine-tuned these beliefs, rewarding us for pushing too hard and getting a lot done.
I have had a touchy relationship with this concept for much of my adult life.
In my 20s: My Monger insisted there was only one way to slow down and get into my body: meditation or yoga. I dabble in yoga but always power yoga—never anything with slow movements. My Monger had a lot to say about it. "You will NEVER be able to do meditation—if you were a good person, you could"
In my 30s: I still believed meditation and yoga were the only way. I wholeheartedly tried meditation in short stints, but to no avail, and continued to dabble in power yoga. My Monger was still loud about my failure to meditate, and now my sneaky BFF disguised as self-loyalty stepped in to have my back. "WHO says this meditation thing is the key?!? Someone somewhere made it up as the key, and now everyone has to do it. I call B.S." So I gave up the fight—and gave up on the concept of meditation.
In my 40s: My Monger and BFF were still arguing, but my Biggest Fan stepped in and suggested, Let's not through the baby out with the bathwater—maybe there are other ways to get into your body that aren't meditation or yoga. Let's try mindfulness; I realized there were many ways to get into my body. I started practicing mindfulness hacks and discovered ways to introduce mindfulness into my everyday life. Today at almost 50: I have a very different relationship with meditation. I am not a meditator, and I no longer wish I could be. I realize my Biggest Fan is right as she usually is-ha! My Monger and BFF were stuck in black-and-white thinking. They believed getting in my body only happened via meditation and yoga. My BFF countered that message by criticizing it, and my Monger countered the message by criticizing me. But thanks to my Biggest Fan today, I can see many ways to be mindful.
A few years ago, at a psychology conference, I heard one of my favorite teachers, Tara Brach give a keynote. She wrote the book entitled Radical Acceptance, one of my favorite books of all time that first started me on my journey to find self-compassion.
I arrived early on the day of the presentation and got a seat as close as possible to the front of the vast auditorium. Tara walked out on stage and told us a story about Jacob, a 70-year-old psychologist with Alzheimer's. He had come to a meditation retreat with his wife to teach about Buddhism. Jacob knew his mind was failing but was excited to share his teachings. After he was introduced, he walked to the front of the room, and suddenly Jacob had no idea why he was there or what he was supposed to do. His mind went blank as he stood before the audience. Jacob couldn't remember what he had come there to say. As his heart began to pound, Jacob started to panic. He placed his palms together at his heart and started naming everything he felt afraid, embarrassed, confused, failing, powerless, shaking, sinking, lost. As his body began to relax and his mind grew calmer, he shared my mind is calming, and I can feel my body again. He was present to the flood of emotions, thoughts, and needs he was experiencing. Afterward, students came up to him sharing how they had never seen someone teach them awareness/presence like that before.
As I sat in the audience, hearing Jacob's story, tears filled my eyes. I was in my 30s, and at the time, with my Monger and BFF arguing so loudly about doing it right, I couldn't imagine slowing down and getting into my body rather than fleeing the stage in fear.
I have told that story at least 20 times since hearing it; in presentations, at parties, and with friends. I LOVE it because it beautifully shows the power of being present and getting into our bodies without judgment.
So today, take some time to notice in the moment what are the sensations, feelings, and needs in your body. Pay attention to the awareness you have, and then bless them. Whether through a silent or verbal 'yes' or physically bowing or touching your heart (my personal favorite). Allow yourself to be present to whatever comes up without judgment or shame.