It is Ok to Say No

You are picking the kids up from school, and a fellow mom comes running out to greet you and quickly asks, "hey would you be willing to bring two dozen cupcakes to the bake sale tomorrow morning, we are short on volunteers, and we need them to be homemade?" Your first reaction is, 'ugh! I don't have time to bake anything. I am so behind on everything, no no no' But what comes out of your mouth is, "Sure, no problem, I would LOVE to help out." As you drive away, you think, 'Damn, what just happened!!!, how did I get suckered into this stuff again?'

Rationally you know it is ok to say no. However, you find yourself agreeing to do stuff you don't want to do more often than not.

I mean, after all, we as women are supposed to do it all. We are supposed to be there for our friends. We SHOULD be generous partners, daughters, mothers, and co-workers. True. Generosity is a wonderful thing, but when it gets to the point that we are choosing other's happiness or other's joy over our own, it is a problem.

Here are some common examples:

Your neighbor calls and asks to drop her kids off to play with your kids. You love her kids, and it isn't a burden to have them there, but you are planning a quiet family dinner and getting your kids to bed early. You tell her no, it won't work this time, and offer to make a play date sometime soon.

A co-worker invites you to her baby shower on a Saturday afternoon. You have the kids' soccer games in the morning, and Saturday afternoon is the only time you can catch up on laundry and errands. You say no to the shower but sponsor a week's worth of diaper service after the baby is born.

You get a notification in the mail that your child's classroom is looking for moms who are willing to sew costumes for the fall pageant. You hate sewing, and you are already overwhelmed with life. You politely decline, saying you would be willing to do ticket sales or something else that you enjoy more. It is ok to say no.

Your husband volunteered to bring something to the company potluck and asks if you would be willing to make your crock-pot chili for him to take in. You have a big project due at work and just don't have the time. You tell him no and offer him suggestions for things he can pick up at the store. It is ok to say no.

It is ok to admit you don't like to do something, you don't want to spend your time with someone, have other plans, or just don't want to. It is ok, to be honest with yourself and say no.

There was a NO and a loving follow-up in each of the examples above: a reschedule, a gift, or a different solution. Saying no doesn't have to be harsh or mean. It can be loving, genuine, and honest.

So the next time someone asks you to do something and your first response is "ugh," pause and remind yourself it is ok to say lovingly say no.