Healthy Relationships and a Game of Catch

One of the ideas of relationships I particularly like is the analogy of throwing the ball. Ideally, a relationship is a two-way street where both people are giving and receiving 100%. Both parties are engaged and wanting to participate in the relationship. Think of a relationship as a game of catch. In a healthy, dynamic relationship, the game of catch goes back and forth, becoming playful at times and dutiful at times, but each time Person A throws the ball and Person B catches it (or at least picks it up) and throws it back. When Person A throws the ball in an unhealthy relationship, Person B just lets it fall to the ground, so person A runs over and picks it up and eventually throws it back. Person B might throw it back every third time, and so while it isn't an even game of catch, it is enough of a game that Person A continues to throw the ball in the hopes that maybe this time Person B will play along. This unhealthy dynamic continues, and the game of catch isn't even--sometimes Person A is the only one playing, and sometimes Person B is the only one playing. If you ever played catch alone, it is lonely, frustrating, and exhausting.

The goal is to have your relationship be an engaging game of catch as much as possible. Recognizing that there might be times when our partners can't play with us because of health reasons or stress reasons but knowing in a healthy relationship those times are limited. The key is having both parties engaged, so even if Person A throws the ball and because of poor health or stress, Person B can only throw it a quarter of the way back, both parties are still engaged and trying.

When both partners are catching and throwing the ball equally, the relationship dynamic becomes playful and energized. When only one person is throwing the ball, the relationship dynamic becomes demoralizing, lonely, and draining.  

Think about your significant relationships: are you the one always throwing the ball? Does your partner try to catch the ball and return it to you? Are you trying to catch the ball when your partner throws it?