Giving Yourself the Pause

This weekend, I heard one of my favorite speakers, Tara Brach. She wrote the book entitled Radical Acceptance, one of my favorite books of all time.

Something you hear me talk a lot about is awareness. We need to be aware of our feelings, thoughts, needs, values, what we like or don't like, how we want to spend our time, etc. Without awareness, there can be no growth, no change. I also believe that from our awareness, there needs to come curiosity--a desire to dig deeper about ourselves and figure out what's happening beneath our feelings and needs. However, the step I forget about, especially personally, and the one I think is most needed is the step between awareness and curiosity. This step involves allowing what is happening now. Having a pause between awareness and curiosity and giving ourselves space to allow the emotion, thought, or need. To sit in non-judgment of it, to just allow it to be. It doesn't mean you have to like it or feel comfortable, but that thought, emotion, need a chance to come up and be acknowledged.

It was a refreshing reminder for me of the power of that pause, that space to allow myself to feel and be whatever it is I am aware of. In Tara's book and presentation, she tells an impactful story about a psychologist who had Alzheimer's. He had come to a conference with his wife to present on his latest study. As he stood before the audience, he couldn't remember what he had come there to say. The psychologist stood there utterly perplexed as to why he was in front of the audience and what his speech was about. Can you imagine the terror, the sheer panic that must have been running through his veins? But rather than panic, he started naming everything he was aware of,

"I am afraid." He bowed his head, 

"People are staring." He bowed his head, 

"My heart is racing." He bowed his head. 

He did this over and over, and when he finished the speech, people came up to him and said how they had never seen someone teach them awareness/presence and meditation like that before. He was able to be present to the flood of emotions, thoughts, and needs he was experiencing.

As a therapist, I admit I am constantly looking for meaning, analyzing and figuring out WHY I am feeling a certain way or what is going on underneath. Sometimes the power just comes in the allowing, surrendering to what we are aware of and doesn't need to go any deeper than that. When I practice this surrender, it is like a vast exhale occurs, an opening up of my heart and body.

 I can give myself a break and just allow myself to be present in love and kindness.

So today, pay attention to the awareness you have and then bless them. Whether through a silent or verbal 'yes' or physically bowing or touching your heart (my personal favorite). Allow yourself to be present to whatever comes up, then, if necessary, to dig a little deeper and have some curiosity.