A few weeks ago one of my clients was sharing how she had been waking up each morning and asking herself what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT? She had seen it on an Oprah episode and had found it interesting. As she asked herself the question each morning she would make note of what came up for her. Most of the time it wasn’t a big or life changing want but more of a small want; like I want to do yoga more frequently or I want to eat pizza for breakfast.
The part of the exercise she found most interesting was just in asking the question. The natural pause that the question caused. No matter how many times she asked the question, she said there was always a moment of “huh” and then she was usually surprised by the response. As she asked and answered the question she started to learn more about herself and what was important to her. The question seems so basic, so ‘duh’ but when you are trying to figure out how to live a life of intentionality and meaning asking yourself these types of questions can really help.
I have found personally asking this question in times of conflict with another person has helped me get clear on what is really going on. If I am having a disagreement with a friend or colleague or even my nearest and dearest I will pause and ask myself ok what do I really really really want out of this situation. (Sometimes that pause comes in the middle of the conflict sometimes it comes at the end) Most of the time my answer isn’t what I am fighting for or even asking for–most of the time I am somewhat stunned by the answer. Honestly, what I really really really want is usually possible but the vulnerability around asking for it is too much. So I put up a number of smoke screens in the conflict rather than go through the vulnerability to ask for what I really really really want. When I ask the question and can ask for the answer the conflict usually dissipates relatively quickly.
Whenever I am stuck, feeling overwhelmed or just curious I will ask myself ok what do you really, really, really want and the response usually surprises me. Not necessarily that I need to act on that want in the moment..but it allows for the pause and brings a certain level of clarity to the moment.
So today just ask yourself, what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY want out of your day, your life or just the moment? You might be surprised by the answer.
Well! It’s been a few weeks of revelations for me and your blog post came at the perfect time! What I love about this question is how it gives us a larger perspective, a longer view in essence. In the first week of January, much to my dismay, months and months of workplace jockying came to a head and I’d lost it. Yes, that’s right, I lost it at work.
Now it wasn’t without rhyme or reason. In the long run, it was a good thing however much unpleasant it was at that moment. Or how it can still be awkward at times. Of course, there were ensuing conversations, which as you say, in the long and short of it really just center around respect and appreciation. Those sound like such simple words to work with, don’t they?
If something isn’t yours, don’t take it. If you don’t do the work, don’t take the credit. Work hard, be nice to people. Be genuine. Say Thank You. But in the mire of the work world, it is so often acceptably and atrociously forgotten. My outburst took me by surprise, oh I knew it was there – I just didn’t know it was going to flame out like a dragon. What it did do, is bring me back to that question.
I’d always seen my job as a piece of the larger puzzle of my life, not an insignificant piece mind – it never is when it holds the bread and the butter. But reeling from having spoken the astounding truth no one wanted to say, or address, I was no longer able to deny that all this (circling finger around me) has as much significance to what I want as it used to. In one fell swoop, it was a skin that shed itself.
At that time much of what I wanted was about escape (Get me out of here), and evasion (don’t want to discuss it), but all those roads lead to Creation. What do I really want? Freedom. Authenticity. The possibilities of earning with happiness, with respect and with truth. I want to fulfill the unique expression that I am in this life because I KNOW somehow I will make a difference.
When I look at it that way, I understand the purpose behind the time I’ve had at this job. But I also understand that I am at a point of deliberately creating. What do I really, really want is a great question to wake up to, thanks for sharing this Nancy! Some days I feel lost, but asking that question brings me back to center.
I agree the point of this question is to bring us back to center. Nicely said. And nice job on recognizing that you can learn and grow from what is happening at this time with your work–even if that growth is just learning how to be comfortable in your own skin and stand up for yourself where needed. Most importantly to recognize you are valuable lovable worthy period and worth so much more than not being respected or appreciated. Hang in there!!
By the claws! Thanks for your great words of support. I’m invoking stillness and the Power of Now to the fore – as much as I can because I want to hear the subtle sounds of my next yet to form step.
Yes, I am on a job hunt. Which involves reckoning with the consequences of having stayed in this for a while. Hmm, that sounds too blame centered. More like accepting the facts of what this job can or cannot give me, and how that aligns with the emerging chapter of my life. I don’t like my moments to be unpleasant but the Ick Factor in January was high.
It was synchronicity that this past Sunday was Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and there was a lot of focus on creating. Truth be told, I’m scared. And all the things one is during this kind of transition, but transformation they say is here and now. Or to be mundane, if your hands are dirty then you wash them. I’m opening myself to that without over-tilling the land, so I really appreciate your wonderful reminders of being worthy!