It is my belief living happier and working happier is why you are here on this earth.  It is your duty, your obligation, and your mission to figure out what your gifts are and share them with the world.

I have noticed with my clients and myself, there tends to be two ways of looking at the world.

The Self vs. Other Perspective:  In this perspective, we see ourselves as isolated, alone, scared and limited.  Our ego and our Fear Mongers rule this perspective.  We see ourselves as separate from everyone else.  In this perspective we live in comparison, judgment, competition, fear and basically ‘not good enough’ mode.

The Oneness Perspective:  In this perspective there is no self and other.  We are all connected.  My energy and your energy come together for the higher good of the world.  Here we are all striving to be our best selves, grounded, connected and peaceful.  In this perspective we live in love, joy, fulfillment, passion and collaboration. This perspective is a space of sharing our gifts and building each other up to be our best.

When we live in the Self vs. Other perspective the message becomes to hold on to your gift, don’t share it with the world (unless you can make a lot of easy money off of it).  This perspective gets us so caught up in comparing ourselves and doubting ourselves that our gifts become muddied and lost.

When we live in the Oneness perspective, the message is you are unique and wonderful; of course you should share your gift!  We can all learn and grown and become better human beings when we are living from our gifts.

Even as I write this blog my body changes position when I write about the two perspectives.  I notice I become slouched and tight when I write about Self vs. Other.  I sit up straighter and my shoulders expand out when I write about Oneness.  When we live from a competitive perspective we feel tight, closed off and limited.  When we live from a united perspective we feel open, free expansive.

So of course, we are going to live happier form the Oneness perspective.  So why don’t we just stay there?!?  Well, unfortunately it is the human condition to be jumping from these two perspectives.

The key is in recognizing when you get caught up in the Self vs. Other perspective.  Awareness around when you are coming from a place of competition and comparison–how do you feel? What triggered the shift?  The next step, make a physical shift, take a walk, take three deep breaths, acknowledge the perspective and physically bring yourself back to a Oneness perspective.

There will be days you will repeat this cycle a hundred times.

There will be days you won’t even notice that you are stuck in Self vs. Other

There will be days you will just wake up in Oneness and stay there all day.

The key is building awareness around what each of the perspectives feels like.  Then gradually moving yourself out of Self vs. Other and into Oneness, as often as you are aware.  The more often we live out of Oneness the happier we are, and the more frequently we practice pulling ourselves into Oneness the more often we will find ourselves there.

What does your Oneness perspective FEEL like?  What does your Self vs. Other perspective FEEL like?

Frequently the phrase “juice squeezed” will come up in our house.  My nearest and dearest and his friends would use this phrase to talk about whether or not an idea was worth the effort.  Basically, is it worth the energy of squeezing the orange to get fresh juice or would juice from a can work?  If you have ever made juice by squeezing the fruit by hand you know it is A LOT of effort AND the juice itself is amazingly fresh.

Frequently in life when we are making decisions, we are weighing two things, we have to make a trade-off and we have to choose.  To get the really fresh tasty juice, we will have to put a lot more time and energy into squeezing the oranges.  Even though we might always want fresh, tasty juice there are definitely situations when we are maybe short on time, short on energy, or both so canned juice will work just fine.

Here are some examples of what my nearest and dearest calls “Juice Squeezed Situations”

• You are invited to stay free at a friend of a friend’s house on a vacation but you have to pay to fly there, take time off work and you will be responsible for their giant dog while you are there.  Sounds like a good idea because it is free, but are the other consequences worth the free vacation stay.

• You get a job offer to do your one of your dream jobs but it requires you traveling 80% of the time and taking you away from your 3 little children and spouse. Is the job worth the trade off?  Is it worth the sacrifice you have to make to get it?

• You are offered a promotion but the new job take place in a windowless building?  Is it worth it to have your dream position but have no access to the outside world?

I confess I am one who always looks at the fresh tasty juice and thinks YES! I want some of that it is SO much better than the canned kind!!  However, I fail to look at the cost (to myself and others) of standing in front of the sink squeezing oranges.  So it has been a life lesson for me to ask myself what is the juice squeezed ratio here?  Is it worth it to take the dream job, if that takes me away from my family and leaves my spouse basically a single parent?  Am I looking at the WHOLE situation here?

I use this analogy a lot with my clients, having them look at an upcoming decision and asking–will this really make me happier?  Is the end result worth the extra time and energy?

Life is about choices, knowing your values, setting your intentions and looking at both the end result as well as the ‘payment in time and energy’ to get there are key. In order to weigh the outcomes of the Juice Squeezed situation you have to be clear on what it is you value and what your intentions are for your life.  From time to time we all need to look at the situation and ask ourselves–is this a Juice Squeezed Situation?

Hands down one of my favorite conversation is talking with people who have found the work they love.  Individuals who have moved beyond their fears, and the ‘who are you to do that’ comments, people who have found a way to creatively live their life while doing what they love.

Recently someone asked me what is one change you would like to see in the world–immediately I thought I want people to be more intentional about their lives.  I believe with intention comes happiness.  When we are living with intention, we will, by default, be happier.

So what is intention?  Intention means we have an internal resolution, goal or aim.  According to the American Heritage Dictionary, to act with intent means “to act with deliberateness”,  When we live our lives with intent, being deliberate, having an aim purpose or objective…we are happier.  Too often we are living unconsciously and mindlessly.  We are in effect ‘going through the motions of life’.  We are working at the job we ‘should’ be at, a job that ‘looks good’ or even a job we fell in to that we still ‘kind of like’ but not really.  We are engaging in activities we used to like but have grown tired and weary of them.  We are spending our energy doing activities and hanging with people that basically annoy us but we are too indifferent to make any changes. This indifference, this lack of intent, is what I would like to change in the world.

Imagine a world where you were intentional in the activities you engaged in.  Imagine, when you participated in something you asked yourself:

• Do I like engaging in this activity?
• Is it serving me, my life or someone I loves’ life by participating?
• Is this event engaging in one of my values?

By living a life with intent, we engage in activities we enjoy and serve our higher values, we give to others and gain from others in a way that makes us feel fulfilled, and we are aware of our thoughts, feelings and needs so we can more readily add to our lives that which makes us happier.

On a basic level, living with intention allows us to have activities and people who add to our lives in a meaningful way.  And on a deeper level, allows us to engage in activities and people in deeper more complex ways.  When we are intentional about not just the words we say but the meaning behind them we can communicate and engage with more authenticity and depth.

The kicker is that living with intention is hard (at least initially).  Living with intention requires honest, radical honesty. It requires clarity, vulnerability, patience and guts.  Living with Intention requires getting out of your comfort zone, off the treadmill and really engaging in that which makes your heart sing. For many people, intent is a new muscle and any time you move a new muscle you get sore.  You might shock some people, and bewilder others; it is all part of the process, my friend.

When you are living with intention your world opens up and you are fully feeling everything, you don’t need to numb and disconnect because you are actually ENJOYING the activities and people you with whom you are engaging.  Doesn’t that just sound amazing?!?!?!

So now it’s your turn–what is one change you would like to see in the world?  It can be the world as a whole, or your small microcosm of the world.

The more I work with clients in figuring out their passion, the more I am amazed at the depths we will go to in order to NOT do what we love.  Sounds crazy, but I swear it is true!!  One of the main reasons people initially contact me is that they are looking for more passion, more excitement in the work they do.    Yes, a big part of my job is to help people figure out what they are passionate about, but a larger part of my job is to give people the permission to go after what they are passionate about.

The process isn’t necessarily in the naming; the process is in getting comfortable with what has already been named. When you finally get around to saying what it is you are passionate about, naming it, saying it can be THE hardest part!  Not because what you are doing or saying is so huge to the person you are saying it to, but it is so huge to you.  And the minute you say, yep I am going to be a farmer or I am going to be a teacher, nurse, architect, is the minute you hear all the voices in your head saying “what?!?! You can’t do that, who are you do THAT”.

Frequently I have met with clients, who have gone to school for a particular passion that at one time they loved and they loved it in school too–but when they got out of school, the voices were too great, the negativity too much and so they slowly convinced themselves that they didn’t want to do the job they had gone to training for.  Even though they were trained, they loved it, they were happy…the voices were too much. When it comes to living happier, getting out our own way–is hands down one of the hardest things to do.

For me, the only way I know to get out of our own way is to remind ourselves it is a process that involves baby steps.  A process of naming your passion, owning it, identifying with it and working towards it–all while acknowledging but not listening to your fear mongers.

Recently a bit of this process happened for me.  I love writing, it is something I am passionate about and yet I have a hard time saying I am a writer. Recently I had someone ask me about becoming a writer, like me.  My first reaction was “WHAT?!? I am not a writer, followed by flashback to my high school writing classes where I never felt confident, I even saw the face of my high school teacher saying–writer, who are you kidding” My face, most have shown because the person replied, I mean you write all the time with your blog and articles and such, you consider yourself a writer yes?   I reminded myself that owning yes I am a writer–is all part of the process of embracing what you are passionate about.  And just like that I stepped into being a writer, mongers be damned.

So be patient with yourself–remember it is a PROCESS–one that takes trial and error.  The most important part of this process? Taking the first step and stepping into your passion.

What are you passionate about?  What do some of your fear mongers say about this passion?

Photo Credit:  Brett Jordan via Flickr

Yesterday, I decided to put together a brief survey to see what you, my lovely tribe is thinking and how I could best serve you.  I sent it out via my newsletter and have started getting preliminary results in over the past 24 hours.  I have glanced over the results–still hoping to get more feedback–but have been surprised to see that the number one topic my clients want to see more is about living with passion.  With a close second being life balanced.

So last night I was laying in bed thinking what does it mean to live with Passion?  What does a passionate life look like?  I am sure for each of us that question would be answered very differently.  But for me, living with passion means to be fully engaged: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  To not shrink back from life, to not become complacent or zombie’esque.  To truly embrace life both it’s joy and it’s sorrow.

There was a time I would have thought a passionate life meant one of mystic and adventure.  A life filled with danger and excitement with lots of travel and zest.  As I have gotten older, I realize, true passion comes with depth and vulnerability.  Passion comes from intentionality and awareness.

Passion is not for the weak of heart, not because it is adventurous and mystical.  But because it requires, tuning in, staying engaged, and stepping up.  Passion comes in the day to day.  Passion comes through gratitude and acknowledgement.  Passion comes from knowing when to dig deeper and when to let go.

I can look around at my life and see examples of passion. Moments of time when I am fully alive, fully engaged.  Moments such as last week when my nearest and dearest treated me to a massage and then I was able to spend the rest of the afternoon reading on the back porch.  Or standing next to those close to me who are struggling with health issues, fighting for them and with them to improve their quality of life. Passion even comes in my monthly book club (wine club) where a group of strong independent women, share their fears and vulnerabilities as well as their joys and victories!!  Passion can be found in all areas of life.

I want to hear from you:  what is your definition of passion?  What do you feel passionate about?  How would you know that your life has passion in it?

I also want to hear your input on my services:  To have your voice heard, please click here to take my uber quick survey (just 3 questions)!  Thanks!!

Photo Credit:  EvelynGiggles

I have frequently talked about the fear monger on this blog.  The fear monger is just one of the many mongers we have to deal with on a day-to day-basis. The definition of a monger being:  someone who’s job it is to promote something unpleasant. So we all have fear mongers, whose job it is to promote fear and uncertainty.  We also have the self-doubt monger, the ‘who do you think you are?’ monger, the shame monger, the guilt monger and on and on.  Their jobs are to promote negative feelings in order to keep us safe and protected and small.

The other day a client and I were talking about the power of these mongers.  It seems no matter what decisions we make how resolved we may feel, or how supported we are in those decisions; we will always have to deal with our mongers.  This client was telling me about a wonderful analogy that he thinks of when he has to deal with his mongers–he said he read it somewhere but couldn’t remember where.

Basically we are all driving our own bus, and our passengers are our mongers.  Our job as the bus driver is to be clear on our destination, and the mongers job as the passengers are to keep us safe and protected and therefore to basically stop the bus.  As we are driving the bus, one by one the mongers will come up to the front of the bus and let us know why we shouldn’t continue on our destination.  They will take turns giving their particular reason as to why we should stop the bus. Each monger has a different job, self doubt, ‘who do you think you are’, fear, or ‘you can’t do that’ (to name a few).  Our job as the bus driver is to be really clear about our destination, not listen to the mongers and keep driving the bus.

I love this analogy because the number one way I have found to deal with the mongers is to physically acknowledge and the diminish their power.  This bus driving analogy gives me an easy, practical, visual  and physical way of acknowledging and diminishing.  In my own world, the mongers tend to come out and play more when I am trying to write.  As I sit down to write and begin my process, I will eventually be inundated with ‘you can’t do that’,’ who are you to write that’, ‘you have had no real training’.  And before I know it the last thing I want to do is write, and I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching Real Housewives. Recently I have tried this visual as I have been writing.  When I am sitting at my computer, it is like I am driving the bus and as the mongers come up to whisper in my ear I can turn to them and ask them to take their seat and visualize them returning, because I am driving to the completed book destination!!  Having this image in my head combined with the physical act of turning and telling the monger to sit down has made a HUGE difference in both my writing and my monger defeating.

I highly recommend that you try this exercise/visual when you are dealing with your own mongers.  Finding a way to physically acknowledge the mongers brings them into the room and prevents them from talking endlessly and unconsciously. Then physically diminishing them and asking them to leave, visualizing them returning to their seat and you back as the bus driver headed towards your destination gives you the power back. Let me know how it works for you!!

If this analogy sounds familiar to you and you know the source–please let me know in the comments section below!  Thanks!!

A phrase, used most often when I initially talk to clients is “I am trying to figure out what comes next“.  The ‘what comes next’ phrase is used frequently in my line of work.  That is why clients come to see me–they are stuck in indecision trying to figure out ‘what comes next’.

It is my belief that in order to get unstuck, make a decision and figure out what comes next, we need to know what we value.  If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know that naming your values is the crux of my work.  In fact, I have a free guidebook (ironically called, the What Comes Next Guidebook) that is all about naming your values.  I have all of my clients name and define their top 5 values.  I believe when we can name what is most important and what we place the highest priority on we can live a life that is both more intentional and easier.  When we know what ideas, things, people are hands down at the end of the day something we won’t move forward without, we know how to make better decisions.

Let’s face it life doesn’t always go as planned–let me rephrase that life rarely goes as planned. Situations happen, tragedies occur, opportunities strike and we are forced to make a decision.  These decisions become so much easier when we know what is most important, when we know what we value.  I use this exercise all the time with clients when we are debating which career fits best–we take a look at the career and then we take a look at what they value.  If a particular career won’t enable that which is the highest priority to flourish then that career isn’t for that particular client.

Lately, I have found this exercise particularly useful in my own life.  Events have occurred outside of my control, last minute changes happen, things come up and each day seems to bring a new surprise/situation.  As I navigate through this new territory, the question ‘what comes next?’ comes up more and more frequently for me so I have called up on my values more than ever.

Whenever I have a decision to be made about how to spend my time, how to prioritize or how to move forward…I think about my values.  And I quickly get a sense of clarity and calm, it brings me back to, yes, in the midst of all the stuff that is happening around me—these 5 things are THE MOST IMPORTANT.  When I stay true to these 5 things, everything else falls into place and I know what move to make next.

It is easy to get muddied up with what other people value, what we think we SHOULD value, or what we are told to value.  It is when we make decisions from our soul, from a place of rootedness and groundedness, that we will have comfort.  We will know that no matter how shaky the world becomes around us, we can operate out of a sense of peace and comfort, knowing we are moving forward making choices based on what is the highest priority to us.

What to figure out what is most important to you?  Sign up for my What Comes Next Guidebook to get started on naming your top 5 values and begin the process of figuring out what comes next.

Thanks to Bilal Kammon for the very cool photo!!

Last week I did a presentation on self care.   Self care is one of my favorite and more popular topics and I have presented on this topic numerous times.  Self care is at the crux of all we do, if we aren’t caring for ourselves, nurturing ourselves that we aren’t as happy, productive, and engaged.  Self care is also such a ‘buzz word’ these days.  We all know HOW to care for ourselves.

As I was preparing for the presentation I pulled out my usual information about taking care of the self body, mind and spirit.  I looked at my information on taking 3 deep breaths, getting enough sleep, exercising, eating right and drinking enough water.  I then thought about my own struggle with self care–it isn’t so much that I don’t know HOW to do it or don’t know what the ideal steps to self care are–it is that I get so caught up in my own to do list, obligations (real and imagined) and the anxiety that surrounds them that I don’t even notice that my neck is hurting or my breathe is shallow and from my chest.

The times I am most successful at self care is when I am taking the time to build in self awareness.  When I take the time to notice how I am feeling, to pay attention to my body and not just what comes next.  I have found, self care has to start with having self awareness that we need to take care of ourselves. To break the cycle of push, push, push we need to establish time to do that.  We need to establish rituals that break us out of our every day patterns.

Rituals such as:

• Every time you hit a stop light take 3 deep belly breaths.
• At work every time you hang up the phone take a drink of water.
• Every hour get up and walk around or do some stretching.
• When you are eating a meal, pay attention to what and how you are eating.
• When you are in the shower, take time to really be in the shower not reciting your to do list.

When we can establish these rituals we bring to break the cycle of push push push, we hop off the proverbial treadmill for a period of time and bring awareness to our mind, body and spirit.  From this point from this place of awareness we can then bring some self care, self acceptance and self love.  The trick is to not only engage in the rituals but after each ritual or as we are doing the ritual to bring awareness to our body, mind and spirit.

Self awareness gives us a chance to tune into what we are really feeling, what we need and how we can best care for ourselves.  Bottom line without self awareness there can be no self care.  Without self care there can be no growth because we are too freakin’ exhausted from the obligations of life to really think about what it is we need, want and desire.

What about you where do you struggle in adding self care to your life?  What self care/self awareness rituals have you implemented in your own life?