Here’s to the lessons learned in January and the possibility of February!!

And I definitely felt the same way as I just began to entertain different possibilities, like I should KNOW everything and just get to it for instance in the VA thing. The sad bit about it is that we sometimes miss savoring the process. Yes, change isn’t always pleasant but it’s also the times when we’re reaching and growing, and feeling very alive.

January was a total ick month for me and I shudder at how I felt during. Now though I have to be grateful at all the insights I received from that time, I’m nowhere near being “finished” or “done” but I’m grateful that there are steps, and that I can nurture myself through those. Thanks for the amazing reminder, without the yelling of course!

In fact, it’s almost as if Not Comparing has become a sin. We are called to standards we haven’t even understood well enough, let alone to call it our own. Worse, because it’s in the name of self-improvement, we accept that pressure.

And it isn’t just coming from the outside, I could be sequestered from the internet and sat alone I could give myself unreasonable goals I may have picked up from previous exposure to conversations, materials or peoples, anything that is an Outer Ideal of what I should be doing or who I should be. This week for instance I started looking at starting a Virtual Assistant website, I was excited about it and thought, ok I need to do some research.

Suddenly I’m confronted by all this information, from overseas VA services being sold for $5 per hour to a multi-VA company that supposedly earns 6 figures. I found myself flinching, and generally feeling set up to fail. But I couldn’t get away from the fact that I need some guidance right? And all these things I’m looking at is research correct? The effect though was, you got it. Comparison. Which lead me to wonder if there was even any point in trying.

Hello, vicious circle. I stepped away before it completely killed the idea – naturally after chastising myself for having given in to comparing. How do we get away from this?

I suspect the answer lies in our purpose. Like why was I looking in the first place? Because I have a valuable skill set for use in the marketplace, because I want the freedom and space to have my own business independent of my job, because I’m excited about helping other people who have a great idea/service/product out there but who need the kind of help I can give. I got disconnected from those things in the tyranny of perfection, which the tyranny of comparison brought about.

I’m thinking about artists today and how so much of what they do is the courage to bring something intangible to all of us. How is that measured? Can google analytics be applied to art? It can’t. Somewhere in there, they were in the flow of bringing an idea to people – and letting go enough for them to respond. Like you, I’m finding my footing in this.

Now reading your post, I just got an email from ladders.com telling me my free resume critique is ready, I’m really not looking forward to it – even if there are probably good points there, I’m wondering if there’s more value in the innocence of my not knowing and just trying than being freaked that my CV isn’t the magna carta!

We live, we learn, but best of all we try.

Yes, I am on a job hunt. Which involves reckoning with the consequences of having stayed in this for a while. Hmm, that sounds too blame centered. More like accepting the facts of what this job can or cannot give me, and how that aligns with the emerging chapter of my life. I don’t like my moments to be unpleasant but the Ick Factor in January was high.

It was synchronicity that this past Sunday was Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and there was a lot of focus on creating. Truth be told, I’m scared. And all the things one is during this kind of transition, but transformation they say is here and now. Or to be mundane, if your hands are dirty then you wash them. I’m opening myself to that without over-tilling the land, so I really appreciate your wonderful reminders of being worthy!

When I turned 40 a few years ago, everyone expected me to do something stunning (I learned how to surf at 35, spent my 34th at the Maldives snorkeling, so on and so forth). But at that point really, I was more focused on avoiding sun damage! And thankfully, it’s also the age where I SAVOR what’s around me. My friends, my humble home, the start of summer (I’m a June baby). It also happened I met someone literally a few days after and while we’re not together anymore, it was an amazing romance.

I hope you really enjoy staying in and savoring – because guess what? That just means you enjoy your own company and love the skin you’re in. Have a beautiful birthday Nancy!

Now it wasn’t without rhyme or reason. In the long run, it was a good thing however much unpleasant it was at that moment. Or how it can still be awkward at times. Of course, there were ensuing conversations, which as you say, in the long and short of it really just center around respect and appreciation. Those sound like such simple words to work with, don’t they?

If something isn’t yours, don’t take it. If you don’t do the work, don’t take the credit. Work hard, be nice to people. Be genuine. Say Thank You. But in the mire of the work world, it is so often acceptably and atrociously forgotten. My outburst took me by surprise, oh I knew it was there – I just didn’t know it was going to flame out like a dragon. What it did do, is bring me back to that question.

I’d always seen my job as a piece of the larger puzzle of my life, not an insignificant piece mind – it never is when it holds the bread and the butter. But reeling from having spoken the astounding truth no one wanted to say, or address, I was no longer able to deny that all this (circling finger around me) has as much significance to what I want as it used to. In one fell swoop, it was a skin that shed itself.

At that time much of what I wanted was about escape (Get me out of here), and evasion (don’t want to discuss it), but all those roads lead to Creation. What do I really want? Freedom. Authenticity. The possibilities of earning with happiness, with respect and with truth. I want to fulfill the unique expression that I am in this life because I KNOW somehow I will make a difference.

When I look at it that way, I understand the purpose behind the time I’ve had at this job. But I also understand that I am at a point of deliberately creating. What do I really, really want is a great question to wake up to, thanks for sharing this Nancy! Some days I feel lost, but asking that question brings me back to center.